This being alone is hard... I'm trying to take care of business before heading for the canyon and the warmth of family and friends and my mind simply won't cooperate.
Wesley and Alena along with his longtime pal Seth and girlfriend will be here Sunday and then we'll head for the canyon Wednesday. I leave for the national school counselor's conference in Atlanta the day after the memorial. Then back to Phoenix for one night before heading for Belize with my old (well she is) friend, Terry from Grand Canyon thanks to the understanding of her husband (and my friend) Dan.
Kitty cat, Brian, is doing much better now that our friend, Brandi, is staying at the house. He is good company for me. The gardens looks great and evidence of all the work the "work crews" did is everywhere. I will forever be grateful for the outpouring of help this past year.
Hope to see many of you at the canyon (Shoshone Point), Thursday, June 26, 3:00 till sunset.
Every day remains a gift, Peggy
PS Hello new cyberspace friends, Tina and Tim in Belize. Hope to meet you soon. Terry and I will be at Banana Beach where I hope to read a book with a plot.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Monday, June 16, 2008
Grand Canyon Celebration
Every day was a gift. Come celebrate the memory of Marcus at Grand Canyon (Shoshone Point) at 3:00 on June 26. The event will be causal - bring some food to share, a plate and eating utensil, a lawn chair or blanket, and memories. I'll have water and music.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
memorial planned for June 26
Hello friends, family, and others who would like to join us,
A celebration of the life and memory of Marcus will be held June 26 (Thursday) during the afternoon and evening at Shoshone Point on the south rim of the Grand Canyon. Please type in the search words, Shoshone Point Grand Canyon, for information regarding directions. It will be a very informal pot-luck type event - you bring something to share, your own paper plates, etc and something to drink. Those of you from Grand Canyon School, this will be like a WOTR (Wine On The Rim) gathering. We'll shuttle those who aren't into walking and can have 15 vehicles out there. Jay Thompson, an old friend from Moqui Lodge, will be making a pamphlet which will most definitely be a keepsake for me. If you plan to come and need a place to stay, please let me know and I'll see what I can do to find lodging.
I'm visiting family and friends in Iowa after a few days with my cousin, Sue (and Ed)in Minnesota for Alena's graduation and party at Margie and Jack's. It was such a special event with the key note speaker reminding me how special and caring nurses can and should be. I'm so thankful Alena is in our family.
Every day seems so long and every night even longer. I am so sad. I only get by because you all hold me up. Hope to see many of you in June.
Every Day (remains) A Gift full of memories... Peggy
A celebration of the life and memory of Marcus will be held June 26 (Thursday) during the afternoon and evening at Shoshone Point on the south rim of the Grand Canyon. Please type in the search words, Shoshone Point Grand Canyon, for information regarding directions. It will be a very informal pot-luck type event - you bring something to share, your own paper plates, etc and something to drink. Those of you from Grand Canyon School, this will be like a WOTR (Wine On The Rim) gathering. We'll shuttle those who aren't into walking and can have 15 vehicles out there. Jay Thompson, an old friend from Moqui Lodge, will be making a pamphlet which will most definitely be a keepsake for me. If you plan to come and need a place to stay, please let me know and I'll see what I can do to find lodging.
I'm visiting family and friends in Iowa after a few days with my cousin, Sue (and Ed)in Minnesota for Alena's graduation and party at Margie and Jack's. It was such a special event with the key note speaker reminding me how special and caring nurses can and should be. I'm so thankful Alena is in our family.
Every day seems so long and every night even longer. I am so sad. I only get by because you all hold me up. Hope to see many of you in June.
Every Day (remains) A Gift full of memories... Peggy
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
When the Music's Over...
Today, after 59 years of love and laughter Marcus passed away at home, surrounded by the most amazing wife on the planet, Peggy, Wes, Alena, Mandy, Julie and Paul. As much as I've feared this day, it was peaceful as my dad was sent off to the cosmos to the tune of 'When the Music's Over' by The Doors, how fitting. The music is not over, it's just taken a different shape; one you'll see in the sunrises, one you'll hear in your favorite song, one you'll smell every spring, and one you'll see when you look in the mirror.
The benefits served as more than that in my dad's opinion and we will not be having a funeral. They bum us out anyway. We will hold a celebration of my dad's life sometime in the next few months, but as of now no date or place has been set. It'll likely be at the canyon this summer.
Our family wishes to express our appreciation and gratitude for all that you have done.
Here are a few photos I never got the chance to post from the Grand Canyon benefit.
We never die, we just change form.
Love,
Mandy
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
We watched sunrise this morning...
It'd been quite awhile since Marcus and I watched a sunrise together. This morning, our first morning home in two weeks, I opened the curtains to the patio door and a most beautiful sunrise warmed our hearts.
Today we meet with the Hospice people from Saint George. They are kind and caring and were able to get a sense of what our family is all about through the books Julie made of special events this past year. So now we begin yet another stage in our journey. Mandy has decided to move back to the Page area (had been working at the Grand Canyon for several weeks) and Kurt (Marcus' brother), Laura, and our neice, Neeve, will be here Friday as well as Wes and Alena. My sister, Patty, is also planning a visit as are Julie and Paul.
I've been reading Final Gifts loaned from my good friend, Terry, about end of life communications and experiences written by two Hospice nurses and another book from my sister-in-law, Sharon, The Tibetin Book on Living and Dying. I highly recommend both of them.
We have so many people to thank for help and support on our journey. I am a little weary and simply want to say, thank you...for your love, sharing, help, support, generousity, prayers, and anything else. I do need to mention that our Grand Canyon friends performed a melodrama written and directed by Marcus' poker buddy, Bob Kelso and the profit went to, you guessed it, the Fuhrman family. While I know Bob is a funny guy, I was very impressed and needed the endorphens (spelling) from the laughter! They may perform for tourists this summer so check it out if you get Grand Canyon way.
Every day remains a gift. Please continue to post comments.
Love and appreciation, Peggy
Today we meet with the Hospice people from Saint George. They are kind and caring and were able to get a sense of what our family is all about through the books Julie made of special events this past year. So now we begin yet another stage in our journey. Mandy has decided to move back to the Page area (had been working at the Grand Canyon for several weeks) and Kurt (Marcus' brother), Laura, and our neice, Neeve, will be here Friday as well as Wes and Alena. My sister, Patty, is also planning a visit as are Julie and Paul.
I've been reading Final Gifts loaned from my good friend, Terry, about end of life communications and experiences written by two Hospice nurses and another book from my sister-in-law, Sharon, The Tibetin Book on Living and Dying. I highly recommend both of them.
We have so many people to thank for help and support on our journey. I am a little weary and simply want to say, thank you...for your love, sharing, help, support, generousity, prayers, and anything else. I do need to mention that our Grand Canyon friends performed a melodrama written and directed by Marcus' poker buddy, Bob Kelso and the profit went to, you guessed it, the Fuhrman family. While I know Bob is a funny guy, I was very impressed and needed the endorphens (spelling) from the laughter! They may perform for tourists this summer so check it out if you get Grand Canyon way.
Every day remains a gift. Please continue to post comments.
Love and appreciation, Peggy
Friday, April 4, 2008
Peggy updating - not as entertaining as Marcus!
Hello friends, family, and fans of Marcus - hey that's aliteration!
Since the last update we've had visits from Marcus' sister, Emily, Steve (her husband), and our nephew, Lars, plus my sister, Mary and her husband Mike came for a week leaving this past Wednesday. We treasure the time spent with them and goodbyes were difficult and quiet. Our friend, Judi, comes this weekend and Peter, Marcus' brother from France, arrives for a short visit Monday. He'll take us to Las Vegas to catch a flight to the coast for a week with Julie and Paul. Marcus has had chemo 4 days in the last three weeks plus a transfusion which did make his red blood count go up - he looks forward to two weeks without treatment. When we fly back to Vegas we'll rest then head for Flagstaff for a PET scan and short chemo day. We'll rest again at Kelso's Stately Manor before heading for the canyon and a Melodrama written by Bob (of Kelso's Stately Manor) and performed by friends at the community building. Proceeds to go to - you guessed it - the Fuhrman family.
In closing, we appreciate all that friends, family, and even strangers are doing for us. Thanks to you, I can stay home with Marcus. Mandy is working as a bartender at the Bright Angel Lodge at the Grand Canyon and is staying at the "other" Kelso Stately Manor. We're glad she is getting a life and is still close by.
Every day remains a gift, Peggy and Marcus
Since the last update we've had visits from Marcus' sister, Emily, Steve (her husband), and our nephew, Lars, plus my sister, Mary and her husband Mike came for a week leaving this past Wednesday. We treasure the time spent with them and goodbyes were difficult and quiet. Our friend, Judi, comes this weekend and Peter, Marcus' brother from France, arrives for a short visit Monday. He'll take us to Las Vegas to catch a flight to the coast for a week with Julie and Paul. Marcus has had chemo 4 days in the last three weeks plus a transfusion which did make his red blood count go up - he looks forward to two weeks without treatment. When we fly back to Vegas we'll rest then head for Flagstaff for a PET scan and short chemo day. We'll rest again at Kelso's Stately Manor before heading for the canyon and a Melodrama written by Bob (of Kelso's Stately Manor) and performed by friends at the community building. Proceeds to go to - you guessed it - the Fuhrman family.
In closing, we appreciate all that friends, family, and even strangers are doing for us. Thanks to you, I can stay home with Marcus. Mandy is working as a bartender at the Bright Angel Lodge at the Grand Canyon and is staying at the "other" Kelso Stately Manor. We're glad she is getting a life and is still close by.
Every day remains a gift, Peggy and Marcus
Thursday, March 20, 2008
last of the benefits
dark, dark, dark outside,fire is glowing and comfy. cat is somewhere underfoot, an occasional brush by and quiet meow letting me know he's important and worthy of notice. i think we're all that way a little, being around and making noise to be noticed and attended to. i know i am, and i have beeen noticed lately.
last week we had our 2nd and 3rd benefits. thursday last, i walked into page middle school cafeteria and found the room half full of families and friends either gathering or serving large plates of spagetti, garlic bread, heaps of salad and desert and beverages. so much food, so many friends, so much attention being paid to Peggy and me. Peggy, Mandy and I arrived with two of my brothers, Kurt and Charlie who were equally amazed to watch the line of page people continue to fill the room and their plates with yummy dinners. even the servers and helpers and volunteers must have been surprized as they smiled and struggled to keep up with hot food for hundreds. Fantstic night, I wandered about the room and tables, visitng and sharing memories with dozens of parents and former students and staff showing off my latest hair style (none) and accepting best wishes and hopes for better health. it's funny but just being at the fundraiser and sharing the caring made me physcially feel better, and recharged my batteries. thanks to so many: robin, roxie, paul and his spagetti bowl crew, jk, paula, and shelly, teona with kaysee and the dessert department, ticket takers, lake view and high school folks, even real pros - kitchen gals1, the invisible helpers in the back kitchen and all who made the evening both possible and a success. i love you each and all and the food was delicious.
We spent the next day getting ready and traveling to the canyon to meet more family and friends for party #3. What a party it was. went by the community building early to check out the room and holymoly, ligths being strung around the room, tables set and decorated with linen and st. patrick's day deco, a long line of tables holding donated goodies, more tables of donations in the big room, tables of desert, acres of salad and dozens of pizzas being delivered, chips and salsa along with adult beverages and drinks for kids like me. Best of all was the band, Exit 64, setting up on stage. great music gear and a Light show. Julie and Paul arrived from flight from Cali. on friday night and Wes and Alena, arrived after marathon drive from Minn. sat. afternoon. So now we are 4 siblings and all 3 of our loving kids; Mandy, with Nicci and kendra (SB girls) never would miss a party like this.
Impressive.
Whoa, i just glanced up and i see the brightest red glowing sunrise above Navajo Mountain to the east of our house, a wide flat vermillion layer of ocean clouds covers all the eastern sky, from overhead to the horizon. I feel like I want to climb into those clouds suck in their warmth and traverse the world with them for the rest of the day, they look so inviting. I can see my body streched out and relaxed as the wind that shapes their beauty. as I covered the globe I'd cry out wake up world, time to warm up and watch beauty greet your morning. Then I'd fall back onto the cloud bed,close my eyes, breath deeply and sleep like a forgotten sunrise, ignorant of my cancer and the pains, tensions, medications, chemos, doctors, and hundreds of other details that have become a part of our lives. See, I'd have Peggy there beside me as wel
l.
Impressive. back to party at the canyon- got there and met hundreds of frieds. some we've knnow for dozens of years. i can only begin to mention a few ringleaders: Terry the video master, dan and eddie the ticket masters, bob and laura who can and do anything, kay and ted b, tommy t, shelly, madman, and gracie, sheila and guy, dave the food guy and his xanterra gang, kevin, judy queen of deserts, pete and becky with cayla, beth, eric and sue, greens-room at squire used - and the Phillps did a house swap with the Fuhrmans; them in San Luis Obispo area.
Thank you all the special guests like old and new neighbors - old being booths and new being caorl a. So many other special guests like lori and scott, keith and nancy, bob s, wendy, stacy,nora, mike,jackie,sissy and tom, chuck, and on and on and on......
so food and drink was served, people danced, i danced, raffle was held, i spoke, i cried, danced some more with precious peggy-oh, and visited, talked and gabbed with hundreds of friends who care about us. what a night. Highlight? tooo mannnnnnny. one being the first "sunrise" song. i laughed and cried when wes picked up a guitar and played some of my fav. notes in the blues world. We stayed late, danced too hard with family and friends, and laughed till we ran out of breath and energy. was A party. thanks to all who gave us such a great time.
love and laughter, marcus
last week we had our 2nd and 3rd benefits. thursday last, i walked into page middle school cafeteria and found the room half full of families and friends either gathering or serving large plates of spagetti, garlic bread, heaps of salad and desert and beverages. so much food, so many friends, so much attention being paid to Peggy and me. Peggy, Mandy and I arrived with two of my brothers, Kurt and Charlie who were equally amazed to watch the line of page people continue to fill the room and their plates with yummy dinners. even the servers and helpers and volunteers must have been surprized as they smiled and struggled to keep up with hot food for hundreds. Fantstic night, I wandered about the room and tables, visitng and sharing memories with dozens of parents and former students and staff showing off my latest hair style (none) and accepting best wishes and hopes for better health. it's funny but just being at the fundraiser and sharing the caring made me physcially feel better, and recharged my batteries. thanks to so many: robin, roxie, paul and his spagetti bowl crew, jk, paula, and shelly, teona with kaysee and the dessert department, ticket takers, lake view and high school folks, even real pros - kitchen gals1, the invisible helpers in the back kitchen and all who made the evening both possible and a success. i love you each and all and the food was delicious.
We spent the next day getting ready and traveling to the canyon to meet more family and friends for party #3. What a party it was. went by the community building early to check out the room and holymoly, ligths being strung around the room, tables set and decorated with linen and st. patrick's day deco, a long line of tables holding donated goodies, more tables of donations in the big room, tables of desert, acres of salad and dozens of pizzas being delivered, chips and salsa along with adult beverages and drinks for kids like me. Best of all was the band, Exit 64, setting up on stage. great music gear and a Light show. Julie and Paul arrived from flight from Cali. on friday night and Wes and Alena, arrived after marathon drive from Minn. sat. afternoon. So now we are 4 siblings and all 3 of our loving kids; Mandy, with Nicci and kendra (SB girls) never would miss a party like this.
Impressive.
Whoa, i just glanced up and i see the brightest red glowing sunrise above Navajo Mountain to the east of our house, a wide flat vermillion layer of ocean clouds covers all the eastern sky, from overhead to the horizon. I feel like I want to climb into those clouds suck in their warmth and traverse the world with them for the rest of the day, they look so inviting. I can see my body streched out and relaxed as the wind that shapes their beauty. as I covered the globe I'd cry out wake up world, time to warm up and watch beauty greet your morning. Then I'd fall back onto the cloud bed,close my eyes, breath deeply and sleep like a forgotten sunrise, ignorant of my cancer and the pains, tensions, medications, chemos, doctors, and hundreds of other details that have become a part of our lives. See, I'd have Peggy there beside me as wel
l.
Impressive. back to party at the canyon- got there and met hundreds of frieds. some we've knnow for dozens of years. i can only begin to mention a few ringleaders: Terry the video master, dan and eddie the ticket masters, bob and laura who can and do anything, kay and ted b, tommy t, shelly, madman, and gracie, sheila and guy, dave the food guy and his xanterra gang, kevin, judy queen of deserts, pete and becky with cayla, beth, eric and sue, greens-room at squire used - and the Phillps did a house swap with the Fuhrmans; them in San Luis Obispo area.
Thank you all the special guests like old and new neighbors - old being booths and new being caorl a. So many other special guests like lori and scott, keith and nancy, bob s, wendy, stacy,nora, mike,jackie,sissy and tom, chuck, and on and on and on......
so food and drink was served, people danced, i danced, raffle was held, i spoke, i cried, danced some more with precious peggy-oh, and visited, talked and gabbed with hundreds of friends who care about us. what a night. Highlight? tooo mannnnnnny. one being the first "sunrise" song. i laughed and cried when wes picked up a guitar and played some of my fav. notes in the blues world. We stayed late, danced too hard with family and friends, and laughed till we ran out of breath and energy. was A party. thanks to all who gave us such a great time.
love and laughter, marcus
Thursday, March 13, 2008
same ole same ole
Light gray sky, been up for an hour, playing on the web and researching boston whaler boats. I love boats nearly as much as I love sunrise, although being aboard my boat at sunrise is the ultimate mooring/morning delight. Lots about to begin today, we have the Marucs Page School's Benefit at the middle school and two of my lovin bros will be here for the spagetti feed. then I'll get up and say a funny thing or two and look around the room at all the locals who took time to show their care for Peggy and me. It's hard to thank everyone, impossible perhaps, but I know they know they are apprreciated to the max. 700 dinners? Impossible! Unheard of! ...sunrise / sunset... thanks Page USA a town full of loving and giving human beings and that's our fav kind. Some who are making this happen are Michelle JK, Paula, Dana B., Robin, Sharon and her leadership kids, Paul and his kids, Stacy, Roxanne, and so many more i'm not sure about but they are out there.
Insert Peggy here to write about iowa. The Iowa benefit may be over but the memory is set in my head. I can see family, friends, and even strangers gathered in a midwest church with mounds of snow outside. With Steve as mc, Glen and Carlis opened the event. Patty, Steve, Richard and his son (Wabeek Trackers), Patty, Dixie, Carlis, and Mike (Black Sheep)rocked the church - cool that it's ok to rock a church. Many rockin guests, Marcus heard you from Alena's speaker phone - the bands, Sharon and Denny, Mary, Mike and a whole crew of the Adams Family members (spooky? naah, just lovin support for Mary and Mike and us), Wes and Alena, Sue, Ed, Joey, Adam, and Dawn, Linda, Rich and Emily, Jeremy, James, Marsha, Dale, Dan and Donna, Paul and Tammy, Kenny, Joan, and Coleen. Eagles Stan and Donna even stopped to see Peggy. So many others helped with baked goods - iowa bake sale, set up and clean up, did i mention counting $$$...so much! I wish i had the pictures because I am forgetting to mention many I know were there. Please know that even though my memory often fails my heart doesn't; it is warmed by all who participated in person and through loving support from afar. The extent of the love and support continues to amaze me and lift us up. Also big thanks to Dan, Terry, the Phillips for transportation to and from Mesa and Flag lodging and for hanging out with Marcus in the chemo room.
Marcus back - Tomorrow Peggy, I, Mandy, Kurt and Chas drive to the canyon for the weekend benefit at the community building, holy moly so many donaations for the auction and raffle it boggles. Again more donated food, pizza & pop, and a live band, plus surprises? It's gonnna rock the canyon! I'm already surprized by the giving of time and energy to plan, prepare and present all that is scheduled. Again impossible to thank all, but my hat is off (as well as most of my hair) to dan/t; laura/bob; kay b; judy/dave; pete/becky, shel/tommy; kj & ct, jules and paul; nancy/keith and so many more. I'm getting dizzy with names.
Back to sunrise, starting its color parade this am with a glowing band of pink to gold,the gold endng in clouds,contrasting light and dark. The contrast helps me understand or better know this cancer. At times it seems imperable, absolute - other times the cancer is just a quick passing pain or discomfort, and sometimes, especially after a solid, dead to the world nap, I'll wake up completely unaware of the disease, the pills, the chemo, the side effects. And then I stand up, feel dizzy, or queasy and all is clear again about who and what and how I'm living. I really should take more naps. Light outside is starting to shape the real clouds, revealing waves of gray and troughs or billows of faint white streaks across the sky. A light blood red band edges the base of the clouds, as if a ruby red grapefruit picture frame is reaching from Navajo mountain to the dark gray buttes nearby. Now nature has awoken from its napping night and pastel colors cross all the east. I will take a nap today. don't forget yours.
love and laughter, marcus
Insert Peggy here to write about iowa. The Iowa benefit may be over but the memory is set in my head. I can see family, friends, and even strangers gathered in a midwest church with mounds of snow outside. With Steve as mc, Glen and Carlis opened the event. Patty, Steve, Richard and his son (Wabeek Trackers), Patty, Dixie, Carlis, and Mike (Black Sheep)rocked the church - cool that it's ok to rock a church. Many rockin guests, Marcus heard you from Alena's speaker phone - the bands, Sharon and Denny, Mary, Mike and a whole crew of the Adams Family members (spooky? naah, just lovin support for Mary and Mike and us), Wes and Alena, Sue, Ed, Joey, Adam, and Dawn, Linda, Rich and Emily, Jeremy, James, Marsha, Dale, Dan and Donna, Paul and Tammy, Kenny, Joan, and Coleen. Eagles Stan and Donna even stopped to see Peggy. So many others helped with baked goods - iowa bake sale, set up and clean up, did i mention counting $$$...so much! I wish i had the pictures because I am forgetting to mention many I know were there. Please know that even though my memory often fails my heart doesn't; it is warmed by all who participated in person and through loving support from afar. The extent of the love and support continues to amaze me and lift us up. Also big thanks to Dan, Terry, the Phillips for transportation to and from Mesa and Flag lodging and for hanging out with Marcus in the chemo room.
Marcus back - Tomorrow Peggy, I, Mandy, Kurt and Chas drive to the canyon for the weekend benefit at the community building, holy moly so many donaations for the auction and raffle it boggles. Again more donated food, pizza & pop, and a live band, plus surprises? It's gonnna rock the canyon! I'm already surprized by the giving of time and energy to plan, prepare and present all that is scheduled. Again impossible to thank all, but my hat is off (as well as most of my hair) to dan/t; laura/bob; kay b; judy/dave; pete/becky, shel/tommy; kj & ct, jules and paul; nancy/keith and so many more. I'm getting dizzy with names.
Back to sunrise, starting its color parade this am with a glowing band of pink to gold,the gold endng in clouds,contrasting light and dark. The contrast helps me understand or better know this cancer. At times it seems imperable, absolute - other times the cancer is just a quick passing pain or discomfort, and sometimes, especially after a solid, dead to the world nap, I'll wake up completely unaware of the disease, the pills, the chemo, the side effects. And then I stand up, feel dizzy, or queasy and all is clear again about who and what and how I'm living. I really should take more naps. Light outside is starting to shape the real clouds, revealing waves of gray and troughs or billows of faint white streaks across the sky. A light blood red band edges the base of the clouds, as if a ruby red grapefruit picture frame is reaching from Navajo mountain to the dark gray buttes nearby. Now nature has awoken from its napping night and pastel colors cross all the east. I will take a nap today. don't forget yours.
love and laughter, marcus
Thursday, March 6, 2008
benefits of cancer
i am a lucky person. With only kind words and wishes of so many caring people on this planet, my heart is happy and once in a rare moment cancer itself seems kind. peg left this am for bene #1 in iowa, family land for her and sisters mary & patty, brother dennis, with mike and sharon besides her loving cousins sue and linda. (I do love garrison)she'll laugh and cry (frozen tears) with all our friends from webster to mt. vernon to minn/st paul and other chilled locals near by.what a gesture for such distant caring and fun music besides: Patty, rock the house - and keep the heat on.
next week Page Az. shows its support for us and their appreciation with a spag. dinner in town at the middle school. i'll be there, and no doubt will give a short and tender speech about the benefit - of garlic toast and long life! Ha. Thank you Page people who love and share with us the beauty of our southwest landscape.
The following Sat, March 15, beware the ides, comes a final benefit at grand canyon. I will write more about that next post, so stay posted and i'm off now to two days of chemo. wish me....wish me...wish me what i already have, love and support from so many great people here on the third rock from the sun. I wish it for all of you;
love and laughter, marcus
next week Page Az. shows its support for us and their appreciation with a spag. dinner in town at the middle school. i'll be there, and no doubt will give a short and tender speech about the benefit - of garlic toast and long life! Ha. Thank you Page people who love and share with us the beauty of our southwest landscape.
The following Sat, March 15, beware the ides, comes a final benefit at grand canyon. I will write more about that next post, so stay posted and i'm off now to two days of chemo. wish me....wish me...wish me what i already have, love and support from so many great people here on the third rock from the sun. I wish it for all of you;
love and laughter, marcus
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
here comes chemo
Sunrise is 30 min away and the sky is clear of any cloud, mist, fog or streaks. Wish I felt the same as this sunrise appears, however clouds of mine include fog of the future and streaks of occasional discomfort and pain. But hey, meds are working fairly well, and my body is working fairly well, so is that a fair deal?
Either way the sky is open to warmer weather as am I, and the good stuff is still coming our way. Good stuff = great friends and family.
Three, count 'em, three benefits are planned, first a major Iowa (in Cedar Rapids) benefit thanks to our loving family and friends kind enough to remember us from the dozen years of midwest living spent in Webster City. WCCT, you're the best as are Patty, Mary, Mike, Sue and Ed and the others creating the benefit. Peg and I thank you and love you, long distance.
At the Canyon, benefit number two is two weeks away, music, food, drink and a good deal of laughter are all on the menu. Can't begin to thank = yes i can, Annie, Bob, Laura, Dan-oh, Terry, Kay, Coolie Son, Tom, Shelly, the Exit 64 band boys, and all who are donating to the silent auction, and greatest thanks to whomever designed and built the Grand Canyon. An exquiste place to find friends and affection.
Benefit number three is to take place March 13, a spag dinner at Page Middle School, a benefit prompted by all those who care for us here = Robin, Roxie, Michelle (JK), Lake View, I think some of my former students, and others we don't even know about yet. Good things come in three's, and I feel lucky despite the lousy disease inside, because right inside beside it is love and sharing and kindest consideration for Peggy and me. I know Paula, Dana, and Teona help Peggy through her melt downs and Carol gets her where she needs to be even when she forgets. Thanks and hugs to each of you from each of us.
Back to daylight, nearly sun up and today I plan to work on my boat, pay bills, clean house chop woods,and...well, ok, at least work on the boat while my energy lasts, priorities do count. Later, we leave for Flagstaff and chemo Thursday, which if my blood counts are too low I also get my first blood transfusion. New blood? Sounds strange but they say I'll feel like a new man, transformed, maybe into a young Arnold, yeah sure all pumped up and ready for Spring ,three benefits and lots of company. tonight we dine at Kelso's in Flag with Annie and Connor - a great way to end the day.
That's our update and now the sun is on the edge of our desert and the day looks and feels promising. Promise yourself to make the most of it; I surely intend to.
Love and laughter, marcus
Either way the sky is open to warmer weather as am I, and the good stuff is still coming our way. Good stuff = great friends and family.
Three, count 'em, three benefits are planned, first a major Iowa (in Cedar Rapids) benefit thanks to our loving family and friends kind enough to remember us from the dozen years of midwest living spent in Webster City. WCCT, you're the best as are Patty, Mary, Mike, Sue and Ed and the others creating the benefit. Peg and I thank you and love you, long distance.
At the Canyon, benefit number two is two weeks away, music, food, drink and a good deal of laughter are all on the menu. Can't begin to thank = yes i can, Annie, Bob, Laura, Dan-oh, Terry, Kay, Coolie Son, Tom, Shelly, the Exit 64 band boys, and all who are donating to the silent auction, and greatest thanks to whomever designed and built the Grand Canyon. An exquiste place to find friends and affection.
Benefit number three is to take place March 13, a spag dinner at Page Middle School, a benefit prompted by all those who care for us here = Robin, Roxie, Michelle (JK), Lake View, I think some of my former students, and others we don't even know about yet. Good things come in three's, and I feel lucky despite the lousy disease inside, because right inside beside it is love and sharing and kindest consideration for Peggy and me. I know Paula, Dana, and Teona help Peggy through her melt downs and Carol gets her where she needs to be even when she forgets. Thanks and hugs to each of you from each of us.
Back to daylight, nearly sun up and today I plan to work on my boat, pay bills, clean house chop woods,and...well, ok, at least work on the boat while my energy lasts, priorities do count. Later, we leave for Flagstaff and chemo Thursday, which if my blood counts are too low I also get my first blood transfusion. New blood? Sounds strange but they say I'll feel like a new man, transformed, maybe into a young Arnold, yeah sure all pumped up and ready for Spring ,three benefits and lots of company. tonight we dine at Kelso's in Flag with Annie and Connor - a great way to end the day.
That's our update and now the sun is on the edge of our desert and the day looks and feels promising. Promise yourself to make the most of it; I surely intend to.
Love and laughter, marcus
Thursday, February 21, 2008
eclispe this
Dark morning, waiting for the sunrise. Across to the east runs a variabe band of grey lithe cloulds which here and there crop down and reseal the dark earth. Behind the house,out of my sight, the full moon is glowing like a western movie script/scene, its scattered white shadows of moonlight add a weak glow on the landscape to the west. Cat's asleep somewhere and I am alone. Two weeks ago the doc's pain dosage changed and resulted in a personality change in me. Can you spell "zombie". Too strog and twice a day the meds turned me into a junkie- mumbling, sleep prone, i spent Monday unconscious except for about an hour of semi alert time. No thank you doctor. I can never be druggie, living in fog and numb displacement. So I flondered for four days, it took away the pain , but it took away me too. We stopped the meds and within 12 hrs I was back to being whoever and whatever it is I am. "More Better." the pain is less overall, new chemo cocktail is maybe working, that's good and "more better". I still feel a tension or anxiety overall that is hard to shake off; I used to be so good at relaxing and now during relax time I don't. Looking outside again, I see the sky is opening pale blue, faint odd shaped windows where soon I anticpate the sun's beams. Within an hour or so Peggy will be up, sister Jules and brother Paul will join us for coffee and the sun will warm us all. They arrived late last nigth and I know it's going to be a "more better" day. They take me to chemo friday in Flagstaff and then home again.
Other news: Wes took off to the frozen land of 10000 lakes. We had fun for few, went on the boat Tues am and fed anchovees to stripers all over the place. We worked together on a few projects= washing machine repair, epoxy the whaler, gonna get it done! Just put ourselves nearby and talked about love, I watched our brilliant son play, actually play,with calculus, i mean he writes his own formulas and unique notations. For fun! It's beyond me, must have that knowledge from Peg the Precious -Peggy says not. Thanks for coming Wes, keep up on your dell my man, love and out.
Meanwhile Mandy Mae is perusing Peru and finds it fascinating and humid. Sounds like she is having a time out of mind - fun travlogue/vacation,and i can't wait to hear the details. go girl. live it now and come home in 2 weeks and relive it. thanks to all who read these words and to those who respond as well, feels good, all the "more better" to know you're out there.
Note from PEggy - In closing - gotta love friends and family who visit with help, bring dinner and simply relax and visit. JK and Jack, Robin and Mary, Perry and Lana and the entertainment that comes with them, the kids. Terry, a very "merry" maid who would do windows if we asked. Jim - thanks for going with Marcus for a burger. Carol, so pleasant to sit by the fire and enjoy a drink. Dave Dobbins - seems like you miss the man a lot; keep coming by, and Brandi - hope you're diagraming sentences like crazy since your tutoring session with Marcus. Also loved cookies from Adair and Lisa and the neighbor boys. Hey Beckerlegs, we're enjoying our new aquarium! Love to all of you and please don't feel slighted if we don't mention something you've done for us. We love you all.
love and laughter, Marcus
Other news: Wes took off to the frozen land of 10000 lakes. We had fun for few, went on the boat Tues am and fed anchovees to stripers all over the place. We worked together on a few projects= washing machine repair, epoxy the whaler, gonna get it done! Just put ourselves nearby and talked about love, I watched our brilliant son play, actually play,with calculus, i mean he writes his own formulas and unique notations. For fun! It's beyond me, must have that knowledge from Peg the Precious -Peggy says not. Thanks for coming Wes, keep up on your dell my man, love and out.
Meanwhile Mandy Mae is perusing Peru and finds it fascinating and humid. Sounds like she is having a time out of mind - fun travlogue/vacation,and i can't wait to hear the details. go girl. live it now and come home in 2 weeks and relive it. thanks to all who read these words and to those who respond as well, feels good, all the "more better" to know you're out there.
Note from PEggy - In closing - gotta love friends and family who visit with help, bring dinner and simply relax and visit. JK and Jack, Robin and Mary, Perry and Lana and the entertainment that comes with them, the kids. Terry, a very "merry" maid who would do windows if we asked. Jim - thanks for going with Marcus for a burger. Carol, so pleasant to sit by the fire and enjoy a drink. Dave Dobbins - seems like you miss the man a lot; keep coming by, and Brandi - hope you're diagraming sentences like crazy since your tutoring session with Marcus. Also loved cookies from Adair and Lisa and the neighbor boys. Hey Beckerlegs, we're enjoying our new aquarium! Love to all of you and please don't feel slighted if we don't mention something you've done for us. We love you all.
love and laughter, Marcus
Saturday, February 16, 2008
children
here is an easy post for all including me, my kids have traded places, wes arrived yesterday (thanks alena) intact and ready to help out as #1 loving son. he appreciates 45' weather. and we remember why we left Ia winters. below is the email we just rec'd from our #1 daughter who went far away for fun and relax and recharging her considerable loving capacity. love our children, good luck w/yours!
From: Amanda Fuhrman
Date: Feb 16, 2008
Lima is awesome, it is not nearly as scary as it{s made out to be. I went to the anthropology museum today it was incredible. My hostel is very close to everthing, there are 2 turtles that live here too!! Very humid, about 80 degrees all day. My flights were easy, got here no problem. I will write more soon, just wanted to let you know Im here and Im fine. Hope you are having fun with Wes and that you are all feeling happy and good. Love you all!!!
Mandy
that's that and that's them.
love and laughter, marcus
From: Amanda Fuhrman
Date: Feb 16, 2008
Lima is awesome, it is not nearly as scary as it{s made out to be. I went to the anthropology museum today it was incredible. My hostel is very close to everthing, there are 2 turtles that live here too!! Very humid, about 80 degrees all day. My flights were easy, got here no problem. I will write more soon, just wanted to let you know Im here and Im fine. Hope you are having fun with Wes and that you are all feeling happy and good. Love you all!!!
Mandy
that's that and that's them.
love and laughter, marcus
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
birthdays and bon voyage
Early, pre dawn on Tuesday. A quiet house. The nights are warming and the fire, attractive as ever, isn't the savior it had been a month ago when night temps hit the teens. Cat is quiet, fire glows without crackling and even the cancer inside seeems quieted. I began a new chemo cocktail last week, has been keeping me tired, fatigued, sedated on the various chairs/couches in the living room. Also started new meds for pain and the drugs are working and that adds more to my overall body weakness but does away with most of my belly pains and aches. Fatique and sleep come as they wish, I might be watching a dvd and doze off, might be in deep conversation with a friend and doze off, might be on the cell, "hello, how's Marcus?" "oh,ok," and zonk, dozing again. Don't be put off if this happens to you, it's just my drugs running my this exterior, conscience life.
What is running my interior life, would be our friends and family and people about town who share time and send gifts, cards and wishes. With the totality of wishes for better health and prayers for intervention for me, I should logically live another 247 years! So, I accept all wishes and prayers even if I doubt I'll be blogging in the year 2255. But hey, that's a lot of sunrises. Sunrises coming up in March include a couple of musical benefits, Patty and friends are thawing out the frozen midwest for a renunion benefit in Cedar Rapids on March 8th I think, and the next weekend Grand Canyon friends are organizing a night of music at the canyon. holy-moly, good golly miss molly, rock n' roll music is a great motive to keep smiling and keep fighting this dumb-dumb disease. Now if only I could get any early contact with Janice, SRV, Jimi and Jim Morrison to show up it'd be historic.
Some people to thank most recently: Sista' Emily visited here dispite snow and other sorrows, and then, while I'm in the tub, Norma shows up "SURPRISE", Dan-oh and Bob-oh catch us in Flag, Laura and Terri and Annne take Pegg-0 for nice dining, away from the sick guy. Mandy employs my talent with her successful redition of "Chapter House Rock" with her school kids theater group, Chas my daily cell phone guy, Wes for coming soon to catch the biggest Feb. striper, just like last month. Jules with unlimited love and caring, first thing in the morning. I loved your images of planting hopes for me in your garden of love/life, friends from town, who bring us food and laughter(Bradshaw's).
And, not forget, Miss Mandy is off to advetureland for her grad. gift = Peru, for unlimited travel and good times, enjoy all the South American sunrises and sunsets for me. I love you. Thankful over and over am I for the positive messages and blog notes back to me. Also, ever grateful for the next sunrise, even an icky-blues-in-the-gut day is a day worth paying attention to, there is beauty within each day.
Coming soon, more dinners from friends (Keislings and Barry family), Jules and Paul travel here late next week, Wesley Tanner will arrive this Friday for fishing and father/son time.
Comming soon, more sunrises, earlier each day with the sun driving northward towards spring and the blooom of desert trees and plants vivid with gold, yellow, ruby, lime green and rose blossoms.
Coming soon, countless moments within me, within us all, when we realize how fortunate we've been to see how much how deeply we care for each other.
Enjoy your moments. I am.
Love and Laughter, Marcus
What is running my interior life, would be our friends and family and people about town who share time and send gifts, cards and wishes. With the totality of wishes for better health and prayers for intervention for me, I should logically live another 247 years! So, I accept all wishes and prayers even if I doubt I'll be blogging in the year 2255. But hey, that's a lot of sunrises. Sunrises coming up in March include a couple of musical benefits, Patty and friends are thawing out the frozen midwest for a renunion benefit in Cedar Rapids on March 8th I think, and the next weekend Grand Canyon friends are organizing a night of music at the canyon. holy-moly, good golly miss molly, rock n' roll music is a great motive to keep smiling and keep fighting this dumb-dumb disease. Now if only I could get any early contact with Janice, SRV, Jimi and Jim Morrison to show up it'd be historic.
Some people to thank most recently: Sista' Emily visited here dispite snow and other sorrows, and then, while I'm in the tub, Norma shows up "SURPRISE", Dan-oh and Bob-oh catch us in Flag, Laura and Terri and Annne take Pegg-0 for nice dining, away from the sick guy. Mandy employs my talent with her successful redition of "Chapter House Rock" with her school kids theater group, Chas my daily cell phone guy, Wes for coming soon to catch the biggest Feb. striper, just like last month. Jules with unlimited love and caring, first thing in the morning. I loved your images of planting hopes for me in your garden of love/life, friends from town, who bring us food and laughter(Bradshaw's).
And, not forget, Miss Mandy is off to advetureland for her grad. gift = Peru, for unlimited travel and good times, enjoy all the South American sunrises and sunsets for me. I love you. Thankful over and over am I for the positive messages and blog notes back to me. Also, ever grateful for the next sunrise, even an icky-blues-in-the-gut day is a day worth paying attention to, there is beauty within each day.
Coming soon, more dinners from friends (Keislings and Barry family), Jules and Paul travel here late next week, Wesley Tanner will arrive this Friday for fishing and father/son time.
Comming soon, more sunrises, earlier each day with the sun driving northward towards spring and the blooom of desert trees and plants vivid with gold, yellow, ruby, lime green and rose blossoms.
Coming soon, countless moments within me, within us all, when we realize how fortunate we've been to see how much how deeply we care for each other.
Enjoy your moments. I am.
Love and Laughter, Marcus
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
captions, captain.
Here's help on the photos below: top to next to top, to next to next to...etc. Be sure to read the new blog below the photos.
First we have: Dan da-man and his miracle diet, including crossiants, IPA, tequila, pinot noir, candy bars and herbal tea.
Norma holding Peggy, Peggy holding Gracie, Gracie holding the future. 3 fav women.
Maddox helping me unwrap "our" new bunny blaster. OMG, a gun in Peg's house!
Mandy and I in the sun room, all blue threads and smiles.
Norman performing a quality check on bunny blaster; she's related to annie oakly
Mandy sharing glitter paint with Gracie and Mad-man
Last shot is "sista" Emily, just arrived from Mt. Shasta for a loving visit. thx em.
Now be sure to read the blog below, love and laughter, marcus
First we have: Dan da-man and his miracle diet, including crossiants, IPA, tequila, pinot noir, candy bars and herbal tea.
Norma holding Peggy, Peggy holding Gracie, Gracie holding the future. 3 fav women.
Maddox helping me unwrap "our" new bunny blaster. OMG, a gun in Peg's house!
Mandy and I in the sun room, all blue threads and smiles.
Norman performing a quality check on bunny blaster; she's related to annie oakly
Mandy sharing glitter paint with Gracie and Mad-man
Last shot is "sista" Emily, just arrived from Mt. Shasta for a loving visit. thx em.
Now be sure to read the blog below, love and laughter, marcus
lost and found
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I lost my last post, so I know how some of you feel. I'm sure it was the best piece of writing since Hamlet, but my electronic, eclectic editor disagreed and said, "You need to revise, so I deleted it" So revise/rewrite it is. I should start with personal revision, as we are doing yet another chemo change, new meds and new schedule, last week's scans showed other chemo was letting the cancer grow, and that is not ok...we begin new schdule this thur/fri. yee-ha can't wait. kind of. So here's to looking back at what we write, what we do, how we treat each other then and there and there and then. First rule in publishing and life: save, save, save. When you do somethig right, save it, on your hard drive, in your heart.
Tuesday early, cat and I have our fire sparking and crackling in the black wood stove that keeps all of us safely warmed against nature's nigthly chilling dip. This morning, the glass patio door was opened about 6" and the room temp was headed south. "Who had left it open? inside job? prowler at the pane? or a hint to me that soon I exit this warm loving home and by necessity go to darkness and mystery?" I looked outside and saw no prints to follow, no broken limbs to track, no pathway to comfort my directionless feet. Just the door, open, inviitng cool night to flow into our toasty domcile, cruel night inviting mystery. I closed it quickly, no desire to track any mystery. Quickly, I build a hot fire, shoving log after log into the box. The fire helps. No mystery there, just a close watching to maintain its giving warmth and well prepared stacks of chopped woods- kindiling spruce, juniper, pine and oak. It is like the spirit fire inside me, with a seemingly endless supply of friends and family and beauty to keep me glowing, stoked by sincere caring lovers. Both fires comfort me. The outside fire feeds me; my skin, thin over bone, chilled, wrinkled and gooose bumped, gathers the heat and clasps it to bone and thin muscle. The same fire that heats our house, will later today warm our daylight conversations and keep them relaxed and cozy. The fire inside will warm me when pain chills my spirt, when worry fogs my insight, when fear of darknesses mystery shakes my belly and spine. This fire inside clasps me to memory and details of childhood days in bright carefree play with my large family, laughing at dad's funny faces; yelping and sprawling down grey wooden stairs to the beach fronting a serene, blue green tidal pool; pushing and shoving each other to get a toy, a pair of shoes, some attention. The fire inside grabs me by the shoulders of memory and turns me back to motorcyles, collge concerts, Sierra backpacking, unexplored canyons and unreliable cars, when fresh pizza, cold beer and dancing all night defined my world and left no time to worry of search for mystery. As a husband and father the fire inside blazed into a firestorm of pure love and an absolute need to protect our brilliant glowing children full of mystery and endless questions I could, and often did, answer four different ways. "Why is the sky blue, Dad?" "Crayons and giant markers," I'd say, or "it's an overhead ocean, and that's why it rains sometimes because the ocean has little tiny holes in in called stars, and the water leaks out and creates the lakes and oceans we like to fish in." Can you believe it? Wes? Mandy? Peggy? Can anyone believe me? I believe the fire inside answers these mysteries, resolves the quesions for me - who, why, what of mystery, beyond the open door, in the trackless night, through jungled dreams and the pathless future. I want to keep both fires blazing. Thanks to all who keep me supplied with fuel for both. Love, laughter, marcus
Sunday, January 27, 2008
pain, chains and change
Sunday am, on the couch in the hour before sunrise. Looking for a storm today, winter's gift to the desert, southern moisture drawn across ribbed mountains and saline flats, drawn inland to this thirsty crust of sandstone, sage and and blowing sand. My body feels the same need, parched with increasing pain in remote parts seeking the chemo rain, random in my viens, wanting relief to reach this range of danger between feeling well and feeling the incessant cancer creeping. Outside,the desert waits, moonlit and indistinct, inside I sit and wait, and while the desert wears its rabbit printed sand and sends echos of distant coyote calls, I wear some dull needle marks and hear eternity in the the soma silence of waking at two am. somewhere out behind our comfortable loving house-life, snakes sleep and dream of the sudden strike and kill, the snakes dream of the late spring sun, warming their blood with movement and motive. This morning I dreamed I cried with my dead father, telling H.J. how unfair, how mean, how pained I feel with this disease and the death within it. In this morning's dream, he held me while I cried. We cried and I felt I was touching all the hours, days and years of shared joy with his handsome, loving spirit. In time we caught our breath back from the furies of grief, and I felt how he is within me and how I'll be within all I love, I felt the sad clouds of time and loss, clouds that come and go, clouds compressed, clouds dead dark with menance and malvolinece, and I saw both above and below those clouds other worlds alive, vibrant, unending.
I wonder about about my spirit as I wait the coming transitions from night to day, day to night, I wonder if I will stay bright minded and humorous, or will I burden my loving family with fear and pain expressed. I hope not. I hope I remain who i have been on my best days, days of sun warming my blood and melting clouds. I hope. Hope with me. love and laughter, marcus
I wonder about about my spirit as I wait the coming transitions from night to day, day to night, I wonder if I will stay bright minded and humorous, or will I burden my loving family with fear and pain expressed. I hope not. I hope I remain who i have been on my best days, days of sun warming my blood and melting clouds. I hope. Hope with me. love and laughter, marcus
Monday, January 21, 2008
On Martin's Monday
tThe fire burns fresh pine and I sit farther away from the windows this morning. Brian-cat is over on the couch, a grey clump of fur and purr. I watch the fire grow and spread across the wood stove and hear its demanding crackle and snap- come to me to burn and turn to ash. I hear that, I'm here. Curious, the process that consumes gives light and warmth. This mornings's light is slowly arcing from blue black horizon through a faded levi-blue and back to black space above, where a fat moon falls to the northwest. Like my cancer,I can't see the moon from here, only the effects it casts on desert around, the sage, the trees i've planted, the driveway of grey white gravel. A few minutes pass; I make toast and eat it slowly, letting my body accept nurishment wishing/wanting/needing to regain the weight and muscle i've lost to cancer. Best to avoid nasuea. Cancer is one hell of a diet and one that won't show up on late night paid programming. What would they say? "Last diet you'll ever need?"or who could they use? terminal testimonials, dying dialogues, whispers from the hospice hotels? Forget the disease, and watch the earth wake up. Best to eat my toast slowly and watch the sun rise.
The color has shifted and is banded from the blue to a sage greeen and then of course into rosy fingered dawn. The cat is playful; he jumps from chair to chair like the teenager he is, catching himself and landing on at least three paws. I feel fair and normal this am, slept till six without interruption, little pain, little awareness of the chemo, which hurts so good, that I took in on Friday. So this dawn pomises to be a full, active: chop woods, clean truck, go down and work on the boat at the marina. A promise anticipated is more likely to happen, so I anticipate an active day.
Updates: Judy and Dave spent the weekend, I love having good friends and good food around, thanks to the cooks, mahi on friday, and shrimp pasta saturday, delicious soup on sunday. Ron, a friend of Mandy's, drove up from Tucson to visit (thanks for the audio video help, do-Ron-ron) and later Maddox brought his family out yesterday after lunch to watch football, track Gracie's walking lessons and to take me for a walk. Maddox and I treked up thru the sandy fields to our near/dear neightbors Jim and Vicki, Mad-man was most impressed, (Is that a real gun, Jim?) with the "rabbit gun" Jim showed him. On the way back down to our house, he posed a ominous threat to invisible rabbits, must of nailed 200 of them in 50 yards.
So much else to tell, Em, I predicted that Lars would get home this weekand get better tuite suite. A prediction is like a promise isn't it?
So much,so many to be thanked: thank you to all the care givers in Flag at the Cancer center, to my bro Chas, five days a week at least on the hotline, KJ, glad Florida was warm, Pk louis, get those carbs back on and send a video, Jules, you're amazing, thinking of you. And once again, thanks to Kelsos and Phillips for easy lodging and funny visitor's guide (Kelsos).
So much more to plan, took the van in for a new tranny, get it back and we'll be mobile, wanna-be hippies again, planning trips and taking them.
Tanner thank you majorly for the upload and posts to Wayne's words, make yo daddy smile and remember the best part of growing you up. I love you.
Of course more love, kisses, more love, kisses and more hugs to Peggy and Mandy for all the daily details that I need help with, you are appreciated beyond words. "Pills, diet, water...small important words that you help me with, and provide the promise that is today...love and laughter to all, Marcus
ps, someone wanted our address: Box 410119, Big Water, Ut 84741-2119
The color has shifted and is banded from the blue to a sage greeen and then of course into rosy fingered dawn. The cat is playful; he jumps from chair to chair like the teenager he is, catching himself and landing on at least three paws. I feel fair and normal this am, slept till six without interruption, little pain, little awareness of the chemo, which hurts so good, that I took in on Friday. So this dawn pomises to be a full, active: chop woods, clean truck, go down and work on the boat at the marina. A promise anticipated is more likely to happen, so I anticipate an active day.
Updates: Judy and Dave spent the weekend, I love having good friends and good food around, thanks to the cooks, mahi on friday, and shrimp pasta saturday, delicious soup on sunday. Ron, a friend of Mandy's, drove up from Tucson to visit (thanks for the audio video help, do-Ron-ron) and later Maddox brought his family out yesterday after lunch to watch football, track Gracie's walking lessons and to take me for a walk. Maddox and I treked up thru the sandy fields to our near/dear neightbors Jim and Vicki, Mad-man was most impressed, (Is that a real gun, Jim?) with the "rabbit gun" Jim showed him. On the way back down to our house, he posed a ominous threat to invisible rabbits, must of nailed 200 of them in 50 yards.
So much else to tell, Em, I predicted that Lars would get home this weekand get better tuite suite. A prediction is like a promise isn't it?
So much,so many to be thanked: thank you to all the care givers in Flag at the Cancer center, to my bro Chas, five days a week at least on the hotline, KJ, glad Florida was warm, Pk louis, get those carbs back on and send a video, Jules, you're amazing, thinking of you. And once again, thanks to Kelsos and Phillips for easy lodging and funny visitor's guide (Kelsos).
So much more to plan, took the van in for a new tranny, get it back and we'll be mobile, wanna-be hippies again, planning trips and taking them.
Tanner thank you majorly for the upload and posts to Wayne's words, make yo daddy smile and remember the best part of growing you up. I love you.
Of course more love, kisses, more love, kisses and more hugs to Peggy and Mandy for all the daily details that I need help with, you are appreciated beyond words. "Pills, diet, water...small important words that you help me with, and provide the promise that is today...love and laughter to all, Marcus
ps, someone wanted our address: Box 410119, Big Water, Ut 84741-2119
Saturday, January 12, 2008
of family, fish and foreigners
Home last nite, after 9 days away from Casa Del Bilge Agua. Much to say; much to share. many to thank, my fast loving family, friends that give time and space, and our hosts in sayulita, the Dumonts, muchos gracias Kelly, Connie and Barry.
As my ritual demands, we start with sunrise.
I woke about six, dark windows face an eastern night light, dull and distant as if some god thought to protect us from total blackout. Keep your eyes on that edge, where monsters sit, and this morning the night light fades and I glimpse a sailor's threat in the long webs of pink-bloody vapors climbing from that edge toward the peppered grey skinned buttes nearby. Soaked in sun thousands of feet above me, these fingers of aerial fire out-blaze the night light. Little lights won't protect all of us from everything. Today's monsters are like these crimson creatures above and within: unseen or half-glimpsed, they scare me, my uncertain body, the unmeasured damage. Clouds of red occlude my confidence, limit my good humor and make me feel small and weak. The feeling stays awhile, and I feel sponged in sadness and self pity. But, I sit still and sad through the the color shift: red goes to faint amber, amber towards gold and the buttes now appear like measureless mountains of mica. Fools gold wrings out the sponge and soon the gold sky gives way to white light and warming rays, the promise the gods give for another day of building confidence, enriching humor and stretching the strength of my spirit. Watch the sun rise, and be sure to see all the lights.
The light now shows our casa, our cat at the glass watching a few rabbits outside, inside we are well, now the cat pincushions into the overstuffed crazy patterned chair, and wood stove glows in the next room. Precious sleeping under too many comforters, most of them half tossed off toward my vacant side the bed...she's warm, and more loving and caring than I remember earning. I must have been good some of these years ago.
We've been watching Mexican sunrises for the last week or so. Peg, Mandy, Wes, Alena, Julie, Paul Louis, Normie and I drifted thru mild days, 80' days and nights on the wide patio, feasted on the resident cook's best recipes, lazed in daytime dialogue and discovered that Monday's a banner fishing day in Sayulita. Many joys, many surprizes. Best was my brother, KJ, showing up unexpectedly, just jaunting up the street like the casual surfer he once was. Great idea, KJ, thanks for the extra spice to a lively vacation. I spent most of limited energy at and in la Casa Rana Verde. read 3 books, sun soaked, and slept well. Others walked to town, shopped, snorkeled and swam.
Monday, banner day, look out Jaws, coming to get ya! Or more mundane: we fished. Kurt, Paul, Wes and Marcus. Please know, along with sunrises, fishing is a ritual for me. Eight in the morining, on the soft sloped beach, 24' open boat with bimini and single outboard, fully outfitted with a two life jackets and a nearly mute captain. Ugh,lift boat, again, again, and then we catch the leading edge of the surf and push some more, jump in and head aroung the first rocky point towards the west. "Where we going? Capt." Nando nods his head and pilots us around the corner, idles the motor down and we troll for 2+ hours and nada, nix, no fish...ain't this fun? now, we move quicly to some shallows, a reef maybe 20 miles from Sayulita, a mile of so off-shore. But hey, we catch a mackerel, now two, Wes got the first one, then PK, then Capt. Mute, I object to my brothers and son, "Shouldn't we be doing all the catching?" No time to talk thru the matter, because Capt. fish-boxes four of these foot long fish, and we head off at WOT to where the sea boils with birds, bait fish, and predators, churning the surface to wild salty foam, flashes of iridescence below the boat show large powerful animals annihilating the smaller, slower fish. Capt. Mute, grabs two of our fish, hooks them thru the mouth and tosses both into the boiling waves and moments later, Wes has a strike, off hook quickly, then KJ hooks one better, calls out" got one" and Capt. Mute seems to smile. Kurt, for about 10 minutes, fights and pulls and reels and pulls and reels and pulls up finally, a slack line. Fish was strong and broke off. Frustated and feisty, KJ shakes his head and says things all fishermen say when they lose a good one, "Oh dang". Not.
Out of fish for bait we return to the reef, haul in another four or five bait fish in the next hour and then way off, beyond what we can see, Capt. Mute turns the boat north and we bounce across the swell for 15 mins and cruise right up to a massive boiling sea of drama and death for sea creatures. Many fish, small and large fish flash and fly beneath the bow The large animals inhale countless smaller fish. Wide bodied sea birds dive bomb and do the same and the water is frantic with the contest between dinner and death. Capt. drops in two lines, Wes and I both hook up quickly, we yelp to each other "got one" "got one". His fish flips off a moment later, but mine is firm and powerful on the line,unreeling yard after yard of line. Capt. had actually spoken earlier and told us to count 1-10 before setting the hook, I may have reached 8 1/2 before pulling against the power of this unseen fish; but now, 50 yards away he jumps out of the water and shows his huge beautiful body. Capt Mute calls "got one". "One what," I ask. Que? "Rooster tail, or pescado gallo" he shares in his longest bit of dialogue for the day. Ok. soften the drag, let him run, let him run some more, hell, I'm not letting him run, he is taking me with him in. So the contest continues. I pull and reel, pull and reel, catch a breath, adjust the rod and drag, and so on and so on, for 45 min, till he's exhausted, I'm pretty well exhausted too and I know Paul, Wes and KJ are ready to see what I've caught. The rooster tail finnaly taps out and at the surface appears like a wide wet carpet. Capt Mute, "Whoa, big" To me he looks like a young Moby Dick, white belly to the sky and steel hook deep in his body. Gaffed, Capt. wrestles the rooster tail on board and nods his approval to me. I feel great, great relief for the struggle's end, and great to be with 3 guys who love and support me. That moment I cherish. On the hour long, bumpy return ride, the boat leaked some and Paul failed found a comfort zone for a soft landing on each growing swell we blased thru. I sat facing south, eyes closed and other senses switched to memory building, I dutifully etched the boat's sounds, the salty-spray mist, the voices of my friends sharing congratulations and joy for my success, the joy that is sometimes a ritual for me. I marked that memory well and I can close my eyes right now and be there.
What an adventure. What a vacation, what a nice way to start the new year with family, fun and fishing. Mexican sunrises are bonito. Amor, adios, amigos Marcos
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