On Martin's Monday

tThe fire burns fresh pine and I sit farther away from the windows this morning. Brian-cat is over on the couch, a grey clump of fur and purr. I watch the fire grow and spread across the wood stove and hear its demanding crackle and snap- come to me to burn and turn to ash. I hear that, I'm here. Curious, the process that consumes gives light and warmth. This mornings's light is slowly arcing from blue black horizon through a faded levi-blue and back to black space above, where a fat moon falls to the northwest. Like my cancer,I can't see the moon from here, only the effects it casts on desert around, the sage, the trees i've planted, the driveway of grey white gravel. A few minutes pass; I make toast and eat it slowly, letting my body accept nurishment wishing/wanting/needing to regain the weight and muscle i've lost to cancer. Best to avoid nasuea. Cancer is one hell of a diet and one that won't show up on late night paid programming. What would they say? "Last diet you'll ever need?"or who could they use? terminal testimonials, dying dialogues, whispers from the hospice hotels? Forget the disease, and watch the earth wake up. Best to eat my toast slowly and watch the sun rise.
The color has shifted and is banded from the blue to a sage greeen and then of course into rosy fingered dawn. The cat is playful; he jumps from chair to chair like the teenager he is, catching himself and landing on at least three paws. I feel fair and normal this am, slept till six without interruption, little pain, little awareness of the chemo, which hurts so good, that I took in on Friday. So this dawn pomises to be a full, active: chop woods, clean truck, go down and work on the boat at the marina. A promise anticipated is more likely to happen, so I anticipate an active day.
Updates: Judy and Dave spent the weekend, I love having good friends and good food around, thanks to the cooks, mahi on friday, and shrimp pasta saturday, delicious soup on sunday. Ron, a friend of Mandy's, drove up from Tucson to visit (thanks for the audio video help, do-Ron-ron) and later Maddox brought his family out yesterday after lunch to watch football, track Gracie's walking lessons and to take me for a walk. Maddox and I treked up thru the sandy fields to our near/dear neightbors Jim and Vicki, Mad-man was most impressed, (Is that a real gun, Jim?) with the "rabbit gun" Jim showed him. On the way back down to our house, he posed a ominous threat to invisible rabbits, must of nailed 200 of them in 50 yards.
So much else to tell, Em, I predicted that Lars would get home this weekand get better tuite suite. A prediction is like a promise isn't it?
So much,so many to be thanked: thank you to all the care givers in Flag at the Cancer center, to my bro Chas, five days a week at least on the hotline, KJ, glad Florida was warm, Pk louis, get those carbs back on and send a video, Jules, you're amazing, thinking of you. And once again, thanks to Kelsos and Phillips for easy lodging and funny visitor's guide (Kelsos).
So much more to plan, took the van in for a new tranny, get it back and we'll be mobile, wanna-be hippies again, planning trips and taking them.
Tanner thank you majorly for the upload and posts to Wayne's words, make yo daddy smile and remember the best part of growing you up. I love you.
Of course more love, kisses, more love, kisses and more hugs to Peggy and Mandy for all the daily details that I need help with, you are appreciated beyond words. "Pills, diet, water...small important words that you help me with, and provide the promise that is today...love and laughter to all, Marcus

ps, someone wanted our address: Box 410119, Big Water, Ut 84741-2119