When the Music's Over...

Today, after 59 years of love and laughter Marcus passed away at home, surrounded by the most amazing wife on the planet, Peggy, Wes, Alena, Mandy, Julie and Paul. As much as I've feared this day, it was peaceful as my dad was sent off to the cosmos to the tune of 'When the Music's Over' by The Doors, how fitting. The music is not over, it's just taken a different shape; one you'll see in the sunrises, one you'll hear in your favorite song, one you'll smell every spring, and one you'll see when you look in the mirror.
The benefits served as more than that in my dad's opinion and we will not be having a funeral. They bum us out anyway. We will hold a celebration of my dad's life sometime in the next few months, but as of now no date or place has been set. It'll likely be at the canyon this summer.
Our family wishes to express our appreciation and gratitude for all that you have done.
Here are a few photos I never got the chance to post from the Grand Canyon benefit.
We never die, we just change form.
Love,
Mandy

We watched sunrise this morning...

It'd been quite awhile since Marcus and I watched a sunrise together. This morning, our first morning home in two weeks, I opened the curtains to the patio door and a most beautiful sunrise warmed our hearts.

Today we meet with the Hospice people from Saint George. They are kind and caring and were able to get a sense of what our family is all about through the books Julie made of special events this past year. So now we begin yet another stage in our journey. Mandy has decided to move back to the Page area (had been working at the Grand Canyon for several weeks) and Kurt (Marcus' brother), Laura, and our neice, Neeve, will be here Friday as well as Wes and Alena. My sister, Patty, is also planning a visit as are Julie and Paul.

I've been reading Final Gifts loaned from my good friend, Terry, about end of life communications and experiences written by two Hospice nurses and another book from my sister-in-law, Sharon, The Tibetin Book on Living and Dying. I highly recommend both of them.

We have so many people to thank for help and support on our journey. I am a little weary and simply want to say, thank you...for your love, sharing, help, support, generousity, prayers, and anything else. I do need to mention that our Grand Canyon friends performed a melodrama written and directed by Marcus' poker buddy, Bob Kelso and the profit went to, you guessed it, the Fuhrman family. While I know Bob is a funny guy, I was very impressed and needed the endorphens (spelling) from the laughter! They may perform for tourists this summer so check it out if you get Grand Canyon way.

Every day remains a gift. Please continue to post comments.
Love and appreciation, Peggy

Peggy updating - not as entertaining as Marcus!

Hello friends, family, and fans of Marcus - hey that's aliteration!
Since the last update we've had visits from Marcus' sister, Emily, Steve (her husband), and our nephew, Lars, plus my sister, Mary and her husband Mike came for a week leaving this past Wednesday. We treasure the time spent with them and goodbyes were difficult and quiet. Our friend, Judi, comes this weekend and Peter, Marcus' brother from France, arrives for a short visit Monday. He'll take us to Las Vegas to catch a flight to the coast for a week with Julie and Paul. Marcus has had chemo 4 days in the last three weeks plus a transfusion which did make his red blood count go up - he looks forward to two weeks without treatment. When we fly back to Vegas we'll rest then head for Flagstaff for a PET scan and short chemo day. We'll rest again at Kelso's Stately Manor before heading for the canyon and a Melodrama written by Bob (of Kelso's Stately Manor) and performed by friends at the community building. Proceeds to go to - you guessed it - the Fuhrman family.
In closing, we appreciate all that friends, family, and even strangers are doing for us. Thanks to you, I can stay home with Marcus. Mandy is working as a bartender at the Bright Angel Lodge at the Grand Canyon and is staying at the "other" Kelso Stately Manor. We're glad she is getting a life and is still close by.
Every day remains a gift, Peggy and Marcus

last of the benefits

dark, dark, dark outside,fire is glowing and comfy. cat is somewhere underfoot, an occasional brush by and quiet meow letting me know he's important and worthy of notice. i think we're all that way a little, being around and making noise to be noticed and attended to. i know i am, and i have beeen noticed lately.
last week we had our 2nd and 3rd benefits. thursday last, i walked into page middle school cafeteria and found the room half full of families and friends either gathering or serving large plates of spagetti, garlic bread, heaps of salad and desert and beverages. so much food, so many friends, so much attention being paid to Peggy and me. Peggy, Mandy and I arrived with two of my brothers, Kurt and Charlie who were equally amazed to watch the line of page people continue to fill the room and their plates with yummy dinners. even the servers and helpers and volunteers must have been surprized as they smiled and struggled to keep up with hot food for hundreds. Fantstic night, I wandered about the room and tables, visitng and sharing memories with dozens of parents and former students and staff showing off my latest hair style (none) and accepting best wishes and hopes for better health. it's funny but just being at the fundraiser and sharing the caring made me physcially feel better, and recharged my batteries. thanks to so many: robin, roxie, paul and his spagetti bowl crew, jk, paula, and shelly, teona with kaysee and the dessert department, ticket takers, lake view and high school folks, even real pros - kitchen gals1, the invisible helpers in the back kitchen and all who made the evening both possible and a success. i love you each and all and the food was delicious.

We spent the next day getting ready and traveling to the canyon to meet more family and friends for party #3. What a party it was. went by the community building early to check out the room and holymoly, ligths being strung around the room, tables set and decorated with linen and st. patrick's day deco, a long line of tables holding donated goodies, more tables of donations in the big room, tables of desert, acres of salad and dozens of pizzas being delivered, chips and salsa along with adult beverages and drinks for kids like me. Best of all was the band, Exit 64, setting up on stage. great music gear and a Light show. Julie and Paul arrived from flight from Cali. on friday night and Wes and Alena, arrived after marathon drive from Minn. sat. afternoon. So now we are 4 siblings and all 3 of our loving kids; Mandy, with Nicci and kendra (SB girls) never would miss a party like this.
Impressive.
Whoa, i just glanced up and i see the brightest red glowing sunrise above Navajo Mountain to the east of our house, a wide flat vermillion layer of ocean clouds covers all the eastern sky, from overhead to the horizon. I feel like I want to climb into those clouds suck in their warmth and traverse the world with them for the rest of the day, they look so inviting. I can see my body streched out and relaxed as the wind that shapes their beauty. as I covered the globe I'd cry out wake up world, time to warm up and watch beauty greet your morning. Then I'd fall back onto the cloud bed,close my eyes, breath deeply and sleep like a forgotten sunrise, ignorant of my cancer and the pains, tensions, medications, chemos, doctors, and hundreds of other details that have become a part of our lives. See, I'd have Peggy there beside me as wel
l.

Impressive. back to party at the canyon- got there and met hundreds of frieds. some we've knnow for dozens of years. i can only begin to mention a few ringleaders: Terry the video master, dan and eddie the ticket masters, bob and laura who can and do anything, kay and ted b, tommy t, shelly, madman, and gracie, sheila and guy, dave the food guy and his xanterra gang, kevin, judy queen of deserts, pete and becky with cayla, beth, eric and sue, greens-room at squire used - and the Phillps did a house swap with the Fuhrmans; them in San Luis Obispo area.
Thank you all the special guests like old and new neighbors - old being booths and new being caorl a. So many other special guests like lori and scott, keith and nancy, bob s, wendy, stacy,nora, mike,jackie,sissy and tom, chuck, and on and on and on......

so food and drink was served, people danced, i danced, raffle was held, i spoke, i cried, danced some more with precious peggy-oh, and visited, talked and gabbed with hundreds of friends who care about us. what a night. Highlight? tooo mannnnnnny. one being the first "sunrise" song. i laughed and cried when wes picked up a guitar and played some of my fav. notes in the blues world. We stayed late, danced too hard with family and friends, and laughed till we ran out of breath and energy. was A party. thanks to all who gave us such a great time.
love and laughter, marcus

same ole same ole

Light gray sky, been up for an hour, playing on the web and researching boston whaler boats. I love boats nearly as much as I love sunrise, although being aboard my boat at sunrise is the ultimate mooring/morning delight. Lots about to begin today, we have the Marucs Page School's Benefit at the middle school and two of my lovin bros will be here for the spagetti feed. then I'll get up and say a funny thing or two and look around the room at all the locals who took time to show their care for Peggy and me. It's hard to thank everyone, impossible perhaps, but I know they know they are apprreciated to the max. 700 dinners? Impossible! Unheard of! ...sunrise / sunset... thanks Page USA a town full of loving and giving human beings and that's our fav kind. Some who are making this happen are Michelle JK, Paula, Dana B., Robin, Sharon and her leadership kids, Paul and his kids, Stacy, Roxanne, and so many more i'm not sure about but they are out there.

Insert Peggy here to write about iowa. The Iowa benefit may be over but the memory is set in my head. I can see family, friends, and even strangers gathered in a midwest church with mounds of snow outside. With Steve as mc, Glen and Carlis opened the event. Patty, Steve, Richard and his son (Wabeek Trackers), Patty, Dixie, Carlis, and Mike (Black Sheep)rocked the church - cool that it's ok to rock a church. Many rockin guests, Marcus heard you from Alena's speaker phone - the bands, Sharon and Denny, Mary, Mike and a whole crew of the Adams Family members (spooky? naah, just lovin support for Mary and Mike and us), Wes and Alena, Sue, Ed, Joey, Adam, and Dawn, Linda, Rich and Emily, Jeremy, James, Marsha, Dale, Dan and Donna, Paul and Tammy, Kenny, Joan, and Coleen. Eagles Stan and Donna even stopped to see Peggy. So many others helped with baked goods - iowa bake sale, set up and clean up, did i mention counting $$$...so much! I wish i had the pictures because I am forgetting to mention many I know were there. Please know that even though my memory often fails my heart doesn't; it is warmed by all who participated in person and through loving support from afar. The extent of the love and support continues to amaze me and lift us up. Also big thanks to Dan, Terry, the Phillips for transportation to and from Mesa and Flag lodging and for hanging out with Marcus in the chemo room.

Marcus back - Tomorrow Peggy, I, Mandy, Kurt and Chas drive to the canyon for the weekend benefit at the community building, holy moly so many donaations for the auction and raffle it boggles. Again more donated food, pizza & pop, and a live band, plus surprises? It's gonnna rock the canyon! I'm already surprized by the giving of time and energy to plan, prepare and present all that is scheduled. Again impossible to thank all, but my hat is off (as well as most of my hair) to dan/t; laura/bob; kay b; judy/dave; pete/becky, shel/tommy; kj & ct, jules and paul; nancy/keith and so many more. I'm getting dizzy with names.
Back to sunrise, starting its color parade this am with a glowing band of pink to gold,the gold endng in clouds,contrasting light and dark. The contrast helps me understand or better know this cancer. At times it seems imperable, absolute - other times the cancer is just a quick passing pain or discomfort, and sometimes, especially after a solid, dead to the world nap, I'll wake up completely unaware of the disease, the pills, the chemo, the side effects. And then I stand up, feel dizzy, or queasy and all is clear again about who and what and how I'm living. I really should take more naps. Light outside is starting to shape the real clouds, revealing waves of gray and troughs or billows of faint white streaks across the sky. A light blood red band edges the base of the clouds, as if a ruby red grapefruit picture frame is reaching from Navajo mountain to the dark gray buttes nearby. Now nature has awoken from its napping night and pastel colors cross all the east. I will take a nap today. don't forget yours.
love and laughter, marcus

benefits of cancer

i am a lucky person. With only kind words and wishes of so many caring people on this planet, my heart is happy and once in a rare moment cancer itself seems kind. peg left this am for bene #1 in iowa, family land for her and sisters mary & patty, brother dennis, with mike and sharon besides her loving cousins sue and linda. (I do love garrison)she'll laugh and cry (frozen tears) with all our friends from webster to mt. vernon to minn/st paul and other chilled locals near by.what a gesture for such distant caring and fun music besides: Patty, rock the house - and keep the heat on.
next week Page Az. shows its support for us and their appreciation with a spag. dinner in town at the middle school. i'll be there, and no doubt will give a short and tender speech about the benefit - of garlic toast and long life! Ha. Thank you Page people who love and share with us the beauty of our southwest landscape.
The following Sat, March 15, beware the ides, comes a final benefit at grand canyon. I will write more about that next post, so stay posted and i'm off now to two days of chemo. wish me....wish me...wish me what i already have, love and support from so many great people here on the third rock from the sun. I wish it for all of you;

love and laughter, marcus

here comes chemo

Sunrise is 30 min away and the sky is clear of any cloud, mist, fog or streaks. Wish I felt the same as this sunrise appears, however clouds of mine include fog of the future and streaks of occasional discomfort and pain. But hey, meds are working fairly well, and my body is working fairly well, so is that a fair deal?
Either way the sky is open to warmer weather as am I, and the good stuff is still coming our way. Good stuff = great friends and family.
Three, count 'em, three benefits are planned, first a major Iowa (in Cedar Rapids) benefit thanks to our loving family and friends kind enough to remember us from the dozen years of midwest living spent in Webster City. WCCT, you're the best as are Patty, Mary, Mike, Sue and Ed and the others creating the benefit. Peg and I thank you and love you, long distance.
At the Canyon, benefit number two is two weeks away, music, food, drink and a good deal of laughter are all on the menu. Can't begin to thank = yes i can, Annie, Bob, Laura, Dan-oh, Terry, Kay, Coolie Son, Tom, Shelly, the Exit 64 band boys, and all who are donating to the silent auction, and greatest thanks to whomever designed and built the Grand Canyon. An exquiste place to find friends and affection.
Benefit number three is to take place March 13, a spag dinner at Page Middle School, a benefit prompted by all those who care for us here = Robin, Roxie, Michelle (JK), Lake View, I think some of my former students, and others we don't even know about yet. Good things come in three's, and I feel lucky despite the lousy disease inside, because right inside beside it is love and sharing and kindest consideration for Peggy and me. I know Paula, Dana, and Teona help Peggy through her melt downs and Carol gets her where she needs to be even when she forgets. Thanks and hugs to each of you from each of us.
Back to daylight, nearly sun up and today I plan to work on my boat, pay bills, clean house chop woods,and...well, ok, at least work on the boat while my energy lasts, priorities do count. Later, we leave for Flagstaff and chemo Thursday, which if my blood counts are too low I also get my first blood transfusion. New blood? Sounds strange but they say I'll feel like a new man, transformed, maybe into a young Arnold, yeah sure all pumped up and ready for Spring ,three benefits and lots of company. tonight we dine at Kelso's in Flag with Annie and Connor - a great way to end the day.
That's our update and now the sun is on the edge of our desert and the day looks and feels promising. Promise yourself to make the most of it; I surely intend to.
Love and laughter, marcus