Getting Better All The Time

maybe some personal information would help!

2008-06-18T11:40:00.000-07:00

This being alone is hard... I'm trying to take care of business before heading for the canyon and the warmth of family and friends and my mind simply won't cooperate.
Wesley and Alena along with his longtime pal Seth and girlfriend will be here Sunday and then we'll head for the canyon Wednesday. I leave for the national school counselor's conference in Atlanta the day after the memorial. Then back to Phoenix for one night before heading for Belize with my old (well she is) friend, Terry from Grand Canyon thanks to the understanding of her husband (and my friend) Dan.
Kitty cat, Brian, is doing much better now that our friend, Brandi, is staying at the house. He is good company for me. The gardens looks great and evidence of all the work the "work crews" did is everywhere. I will forever be grateful for the outpouring of help this past year.
Hope to see many of you at the canyon (Shoshone Point), Thursday, June 26, 3:00 till sunset.
Every day remains a gift, Peggy
PS Hello new cyberspace friends, Tina and Tim in Belize. Hope to meet you soon. Terry and I will be at Banana Beach where I hope to read a book with a plot.

Grand Canyon Celebration

2008-06-16T14:16:00.000-07:00

Every day was a gift. Come celebrate the memory of Marcus at Grand Canyon (Shoshone Point) at 3:00 on June 26. The event will be causal - bring some food to share, a plate and eating utensil, a lawn chair or blanket, and memories. I'll have water and music.

memorial planned for June 26

2008-05-18T10:34:00.000-07:00

Hello friends, family, and others who would like to join us,
A celebration of the life and memory of Marcus will be held June 26 (Thursday) during the afternoon and evening at Shoshone Point on the south rim of the Grand Canyon. Please type in the search words, Shoshone Point Grand Canyon, for information regarding directions. It will be a very informal pot-luck type event - you bring something to share, your own paper plates, etc and something to drink. Those of you from Grand Canyon School, this will be like a WOTR (Wine On The Rim) gathering. We'll shuttle those who aren't into walking and can have 15 vehicles out there. Jay Thompson, an old friend from Moqui Lodge, will be making a pamphlet which will most definitely be a keepsake for me. If you plan to come and need a place to stay, please let me know and I'll see what I can do to find lodging.
I'm visiting family and friends in Iowa after a few days with my cousin, Sue (and Ed)in Minnesota for Alena's graduation and party at Margie and Jack's. It was such a special event with the key note speaker reminding me how special and caring nurses can and should be. I'm so thankful Alena is in our family.
Every day seems so long and every night even longer. I am so sad. I only get by because you all hold me up. Hope to see many of you in June.
Every Day (remains) A Gift full of memories... Peggy

When the Music's Over...

2008-04-29T16:16:00.000-07:00

Today, after 59 years of love and laughter Marcus passed away at home, surrounded by the most amazing wife on the planet, Peggy, Wes, Alena, Mandy, Julie and Paul. As much as I've feared this day, it was peaceful as my dad was sent off to the cosmos to the tune of 'When the Music's Over' by The Doors, how fitting. The music is not over, it's just taken a different shape; one you'll see in the sunrises, one you'll hear in your favorite song, one you'll smell every spring, and one you'll see when you look in the mirror.
The benefits served as more than that in my dad's opinion and we will not be having a funeral. They bum us out anyway. We will hold a celebration of my dad's life sometime in the next few months, but as of now no date or place has been set. It'll likely be at the canyon this summer.
Our family wishes to express our appreciation and gratitude for all that you have done.
Here are a few photos I never got the chance to post from the Grand Canyon benefit.
We never die, we just change form.
Love,
Mandy

We watched sunrise this morning...

2008-04-23T17:09:00.000-07:00

It'd been quite awhile since Marcus and I watched a sunrise together. This morning, our first morning home in two weeks, I opened the curtains to the patio door and a most beautiful sunrise warmed our hearts.

Today we meet with the Hospice people from Saint George. They are kind and caring and were able to get a sense of what our family is all about through the books Julie made of special events this past year. So now we begin yet another stage in our journey. Mandy has decided to move back to the Page area (had been working at the Grand Canyon for several weeks) and Kurt (Marcus' brother), Laura, and our neice, Neeve, will be here Friday as well as Wes and Alena. My sister, Patty, is also planning a visit as are Julie and Paul.

I've been reading Final Gifts loaned from my good friend, Terry, about end of life communications and experiences written by two Hospice nurses and another book from my sister-in-law, Sharon, The Tibetin Book on Living and Dying. I highly recommend both of them.

We have so many people to thank for help and support on our journey. I am a little weary and simply want to say, thank you...for your love, sharing, help, support, generousity, prayers, and anything else. I do need to mention that our Grand Canyon friends performed a melodrama written and directed by Marcus' poker buddy, Bob Kelso and the profit went to, you guessed it, the Fuhrman family. While I know Bob is a funny guy, I was very impressed and needed the endorphens (spelling) from the laughter! They may perform for tourists this summer so check it out if you get Grand Canyon way.

Every day remains a gift. Please continue to post comments.
Love and appreciation, Peggy

Peggy updating - not as entertaining as Marcus!

2008-04-04T17:43:00.000-07:00

Hello friends, family, and fans of Marcus - hey that's aliteration!
Since the last update we've had visits from Marcus' sister, Emily, Steve (her husband), and our nephew, Lars, plus my sister, Mary and her husband Mike came for a week leaving this past Wednesday. We treasure the time spent with them and goodbyes were difficult and quiet. Our friend, Judi, comes this weekend and Peter, Marcus' brother from France, arrives for a short visit Monday. He'll take us to Las Vegas to catch a flight to the coast for a week with Julie and Paul. Marcus has had chemo 4 days in the last three weeks plus a transfusion which did make his red blood count go up - he looks forward to two weeks without treatment. When we fly back to Vegas we'll rest then head for Flagstaff for a PET scan and short chemo day. We'll rest again at Kelso's Stately Manor before heading for the canyon and a Melodrama written by Bob (of Kelso's Stately Manor) and performed by friends at the community building. Proceeds to go to - you guessed it - the Fuhrman family.
In closing, we appreciate all that friends, family, and even strangers are doing for us. Thanks to you, I can stay home with Marcus. Mandy is working as a bartender at the Bright Angel Lodge at the Grand Canyon and is staying at the "other" Kelso Stately Manor. We're glad she is getting a life and is still close by.
Every day remains a gift, Peggy and Marcus

last of the benefits

2008-03-20T05:29:00.000-07:00

dark, dark, dark outside,fire is glowing and comfy. cat is somewhere underfoot, an occasional brush by and quiet meow letting me know he's important and worthy of notice. i think we're all that way a little, being around and making noise to be noticed and attended to. i know i am, and i have beeen noticed lately.
last week we had our 2nd and 3rd benefits. thursday last, i walked into page middle school cafeteria and found the room half full of families and friends either gathering or serving large plates of spagetti, garlic bread, heaps of salad and desert and beverages. so much food, so many friends, so much attention being paid to Peggy and me. Peggy, Mandy and I arrived with two of my brothers, Kurt and Charlie who were equally amazed to watch the line of page people continue to fill the room and their plates with yummy dinners. even the servers and helpers and volunteers must have been surprized as they smiled and struggled to keep up with hot food for hundreds. Fantstic night, I wandered about the room and tables, visitng and sharing memories with dozens of parents and former students and staff showing off my latest hair style (none) and accepting best wishes and hopes for better health. it's funny but just being at the fundraiser and sharing the caring made me physcially feel better, and recharged my batteries. thanks to so many: robin, roxie, paul and his spagetti bowl crew, jk, paula, and shelly, teona with kaysee and the dessert department, ticket takers, lake view and high school folks, even real pros - kitchen gals1, the invisible helpers in the back kitchen and all who made the evening both possible and a success. i love you each and all and the food was delicious.

We spent the next day getting ready and traveling to the canyon to meet more family and friends for party #3. What a party it was. went by the community building early to check out the room and holymoly, ligths being strung around the room, tables set and decorated with linen and st. patrick's day deco, a long line of tables holding donated goodies, more tables of donations in the big room, tables of desert, acres of salad and dozens of pizzas being delivered, chips and salsa along with adult beverages and drinks for kids like me. Best of all was the band, Exit 64, setting up on stage. great music gear and a Light show. Julie and Paul arrived from flight from Cali. on friday night and Wes and Alena, arrived after marathon drive from Minn. sat. afternoon. So now we are 4 siblings and all 3 of our loving kids; Mandy, with Nicci and kendra (SB girls) never would miss a party like this.
Impressive.
Whoa, i just glanced up and i see the brightest red glowing sunrise above Navajo Mountain to the east of our house, a wide flat vermillion layer of ocean clouds covers all the eastern sky, from overhead to the horizon. I feel like I want to climb into those clouds suck in their warmth and traverse the world with them for the rest of the day, they look so inviting. I can see my body streched out and relaxed as the wind that shapes their beauty. as I covered the globe I'd cry out wake up world, time to warm up and watch beauty greet your morning. Then I'd fall back onto the cloud bed,close my eyes, breath deeply and sleep like a forgotten sunrise, ignorant of my cancer and the pains, tensions, medications, chemos, doctors, and hundreds of other details that have become a part of our lives. See, I'd have Peggy there beside me as wel
l.

Impressive. back to party at the canyon- got there and met hundreds of frieds. some we've knnow for dozens of years. i can only begin to mention a few ringleaders: Terry the video master, dan and eddie the ticket masters, bob and laura who can and do anything, kay and ted b, tommy t, shelly, madman, and gracie, sheila and guy, dave the food guy and his xanterra gang, kevin, judy queen of deserts, pete and becky with cayla, beth, eric and sue, greens-room at squire used - and the Phillps did a house swap with the Fuhrmans; them in San Luis Obispo area.
Thank you all the special guests like old and new neighbors - old being booths and new being caorl a. So many other special guests like lori and scott, keith and nancy, bob s, wendy, stacy,nora, mike,jackie,sissy and tom, chuck, and on and on and on......

so food and drink was served, people danced, i danced, raffle was held, i spoke, i cried, danced some more with precious peggy-oh, and visited, talked and gabbed with hundreds of friends who care about us. what a night. Highlight? tooo mannnnnnny. one being the first "sunrise" song. i laughed and cried when wes picked up a guitar and played some of my fav. notes in the blues world. We stayed late, danced too hard with family and friends, and laughed till we ran out of breath and energy. was A party. thanks to all who gave us such a great time.
love and laughter, marcus

same ole same ole

2008-03-13T05:55:00.000-07:00

Light gray sky, been up for an hour, playing on the web and researching boston whaler boats. I love boats nearly as much as I love sunrise, although being aboard my boat at sunrise is the ultimate mooring/morning delight. Lots about to begin today, we have the Marucs Page School's Benefit at the middle school and two of my lovin bros will be here for the spagetti feed. then I'll get up and say a funny thing or two and look around the room at all the locals who took time to show their care for Peggy and me. It's hard to thank everyone, impossible perhaps, but I know they know they are apprreciated to the max. 700 dinners? Impossible! Unheard of! ...sunrise / sunset... thanks Page USA a town full of loving and giving human beings and that's our fav kind. Some who are making this happen are Michelle JK, Paula, Dana B., Robin, Sharon and her leadership kids, Paul and his kids, Stacy, Roxanne, and so many more i'm not sure about but they are out there.

Insert Peggy here to write about iowa. The Iowa benefit may be over but the memory is set in my head. I can see family, friends, and even strangers gathered in a midwest church with mounds of snow outside. With Steve as mc, Glen and Carlis opened the event. Patty, Steve, Richard and his son (Wabeek Trackers), Patty, Dixie, Carlis, and Mike (Black Sheep)rocked the church - cool that it's ok to rock a church. Many rockin guests, Marcus heard you from Alena's speaker phone - the bands, Sharon and Denny, Mary, Mike and a whole crew of the Adams Family members (spooky? naah, just lovin support for Mary and Mike and us), Wes and Alena, Sue, Ed, Joey, Adam, and Dawn, Linda, Rich and Emily, Jeremy, James, Marsha, Dale, Dan and Donna, Paul and Tammy, Kenny, Joan, and Coleen. Eagles Stan and Donna even stopped to see Peggy. So many others helped with baked goods - iowa bake sale, set up and clean up, did i mention counting $$$...so much! I wish i had the pictures because I am forgetting to mention many I know were there. Please know that even though my memory often fails my heart doesn't; it is warmed by all who participated in person and through loving support from afar. The extent of the love and support continues to amaze me and lift us up. Also big thanks to Dan, Terry, the Phillips for transportation to and from Mesa and Flag lodging and for hanging out with Marcus in the chemo room.

Marcus back - Tomorrow Peggy, I, Mandy, Kurt and Chas drive to the canyon for the weekend benefit at the community building, holy moly so many donaations for the auction and raffle it boggles. Again more donated food, pizza & pop, and a live band, plus surprises? It's gonnna rock the canyon! I'm already surprized by the giving of time and energy to plan, prepare and present all that is scheduled. Again impossible to thank all, but my hat is off (as well as most of my hair) to dan/t; laura/bob; kay b; judy/dave; pete/becky, shel/tommy; kj & ct, jules and paul; nancy/keith and so many more. I'm getting dizzy with names.
Back to sunrise, starting its color parade this am with a glowing band of pink to gold,the gold endng in clouds,contrasting light and dark. The contrast helps me understand or better know this cancer. At times it seems imperable, absolute - other times the cancer is just a quick passing pain or discomfort, and sometimes, especially after a solid, dead to the world nap, I'll wake up completely unaware of the disease, the pills, the chemo, the side effects. And then I stand up, feel dizzy, or queasy and all is clear again about who and what and how I'm living. I really should take more naps. Light outside is starting to shape the real clouds, revealing waves of gray and troughs or billows of faint white streaks across the sky. A light blood red band edges the base of the clouds, as if a ruby red grapefruit picture frame is reaching from Navajo mountain to the dark gray buttes nearby. Now nature has awoken from its napping night and pastel colors cross all the east. I will take a nap today. don't forget yours.
love and laughter, marcus

benefits of cancer

2008-03-06T08:06:00.000-08:00

i am a lucky person. With only kind words and wishes of so many caring people on this planet, my heart is happy and once in a rare moment cancer itself seems kind. peg left this am for bene #1 in iowa, family land for her and sisters mary & patty, brother dennis, with mike and sharon besides her loving cousins sue and linda. (I do love garrison)she'll laugh and cry (frozen tears) with all our friends from webster to mt. vernon to minn/st paul and other chilled locals near by.what a gesture for such distant caring and fun music besides: Patty, rock the house - and keep the heat on.
next week Page Az. shows its support for us and their appreciation with a spag. dinner in town at the middle school. i'll be there, and no doubt will give a short and tender speech about the benefit - of garlic toast and long life! Ha. Thank you Page people who love and share with us the beauty of our southwest landscape.
The following Sat, March 15, beware the ides, comes a final benefit at grand canyon. I will write more about that next post, so stay posted and i'm off now to two days of chemo. wish me....wish me...wish me what i already have, love and support from so many great people here on the third rock from the sun. I wish it for all of you;

love and laughter, marcus

here comes chemo

2008-02-27T05:27:00.000-08:00

Sunrise is 30 min away and the sky is clear of any cloud, mist, fog or streaks. Wish I felt the same as this sunrise appears, however clouds of mine include fog of the future and streaks of occasional discomfort and pain. But hey, meds are working fairly well, and my body is working fairly well, so is that a fair deal?
Either way the sky is open to warmer weather as am I, and the good stuff is still coming our way. Good stuff = great friends and family.
Three, count 'em, three benefits are planned, first a major Iowa (in Cedar Rapids) benefit thanks to our loving family and friends kind enough to remember us from the dozen years of midwest living spent in Webster City. WCCT, you're the best as are Patty, Mary, Mike, Sue and Ed and the others creating the benefit. Peg and I thank you and love you, long distance.
At the Canyon, benefit number two is two weeks away, music, food, drink and a good deal of laughter are all on the menu. Can't begin to thank = yes i can, Annie, Bob, Laura, Dan-oh, Terry, Kay, Coolie Son, Tom, Shelly, the Exit 64 band boys, and all who are donating to the silent auction, and greatest thanks to whomever designed and built the Grand Canyon. An exquiste place to find friends and affection.
Benefit number three is to take place March 13, a spag dinner at Page Middle School, a benefit prompted by all those who care for us here = Robin, Roxie, Michelle (JK), Lake View, I think some of my former students, and others we don't even know about yet. Good things come in three's, and I feel lucky despite the lousy disease inside, because right inside beside it is love and sharing and kindest consideration for Peggy and me. I know Paula, Dana, and Teona help Peggy through her melt downs and Carol gets her where she needs to be even when she forgets. Thanks and hugs to each of you from each of us.
Back to daylight, nearly sun up and today I plan to work on my boat, pay bills, clean house chop woods,and...well, ok, at least work on the boat while my energy lasts, priorities do count. Later, we leave for Flagstaff and chemo Thursday, which if my blood counts are too low I also get my first blood transfusion. New blood? Sounds strange but they say I'll feel like a new man, transformed, maybe into a young Arnold, yeah sure all pumped up and ready for Spring ,three benefits and lots of company. tonight we dine at Kelso's in Flag with Annie and Connor - a great way to end the day.
That's our update and now the sun is on the edge of our desert and the day looks and feels promising. Promise yourself to make the most of it; I surely intend to.
Love and laughter, marcus

eclispe this

2008-02-21T05:20:00.000-08:00

Dark morning, waiting for the sunrise. Across to the east runs a variabe band of grey lithe cloulds which here and there crop down and reseal the dark earth. Behind the house,out of my sight, the full moon is glowing like a western movie script/scene, its scattered white shadows of moonlight add a weak glow on the landscape to the west. Cat's asleep somewhere and I am alone. Two weeks ago the doc's pain dosage changed and resulted in a personality change in me. Can you spell "zombie". Too strog and twice a day the meds turned me into a junkie- mumbling, sleep prone, i spent Monday unconscious except for about an hour of semi alert time. No thank you doctor. I can never be druggie, living in fog and numb displacement. So I flondered for four days, it took away the pain , but it took away me too. We stopped the meds and within 12 hrs I was back to being whoever and whatever it is I am. "More Better." the pain is less overall, new chemo cocktail is maybe working, that's good and "more better". I still feel a tension or anxiety overall that is hard to shake off; I used to be so good at relaxing and now during relax time I don't. Looking outside again, I see the sky is opening pale blue, faint odd shaped windows where soon I anticpate the sun's beams. Within an hour or so Peggy will be up, sister Jules and brother Paul will join us for coffee and the sun will warm us all. They arrived late last nigth and I know it's going to be a "more better" day. They take me to chemo friday in Flagstaff and then home again.

Other news: Wes took off to the frozen land of 10000 lakes. We had fun for few, went on the boat Tues am and fed anchovees to stripers all over the place. We worked together on a few projects= washing machine repair, epoxy the whaler, gonna get it done! Just put ourselves nearby and talked about love, I watched our brilliant son play, actually play,with calculus, i mean he writes his own formulas and unique notations. For fun! It's beyond me, must have that knowledge from Peg the Precious -Peggy says not. Thanks for coming Wes, keep up on your dell my man, love and out.
Meanwhile Mandy Mae is perusing Peru and finds it fascinating and humid. Sounds like she is having a time out of mind - fun travlogue/vacation,and i can't wait to hear the details. go girl. live it now and come home in 2 weeks and relive it. thanks to all who read these words and to those who respond as well, feels good, all the "more better" to know you're out there.

Note from PEggy - In closing - gotta love friends and family who visit with help, bring dinner and simply relax and visit. JK and Jack, Robin and Mary, Perry and Lana and the entertainment that comes with them, the kids. Terry, a very "merry" maid who would do windows if we asked. Jim - thanks for going with Marcus for a burger. Carol, so pleasant to sit by the fire and enjoy a drink. Dave Dobbins - seems like you miss the man a lot; keep coming by, and Brandi - hope you're diagraming sentences like crazy since your tutoring session with Marcus. Also loved cookies from Adair and Lisa and the neighbor boys. Hey Beckerlegs, we're enjoying our new aquarium! Love to all of you and please don't feel slighted if we don't mention something you've done for us. We love you all.

love and laughter, Marcus

children

2008-02-16T15:31:00.000-08:00

here is an easy post for all including me, my kids have traded places, wes arrived yesterday (thanks alena) intact and ready to help out as #1 loving son. he appreciates 45' weather. and we remember why we left Ia winters. below is the email we just rec'd from our #1 daughter who went far away for fun and relax and recharging her considerable loving capacity. love our children, good luck w/yours!

From: Amanda Fuhrman
Date: Feb 16, 2008

Lima is awesome, it is not nearly as scary as it{s made out to be. I went to the anthropology museum today it was incredible. My hostel is very close to everthing, there are 2 turtles that live here too!! Very humid, about 80 degrees all day. My flights were easy, got here no problem. I will write more soon, just wanted to let you know Im here and Im fine. Hope you are having fun with Wes and that you are all feeling happy and good. Love you all!!!
Mandy

that's that and that's them.
love and laughter, marcus

birthdays and bon voyage

2008-02-12T04:26:00.000-08:00

Early, pre dawn on Tuesday. A quiet house. The nights are warming and the fire, attractive as ever, isn't the savior it had been a month ago when night temps hit the teens. Cat is quiet, fire glows without crackling and even the cancer inside seeems quieted. I began a new chemo cocktail last week, has been keeping me tired, fatigued, sedated on the various chairs/couches in the living room. Also started new meds for pain and the drugs are working and that adds more to my overall body weakness but does away with most of my belly pains and aches. Fatique and sleep come as they wish, I might be watching a dvd and doze off, might be in deep conversation with a friend and doze off, might be on the cell, "hello, how's Marcus?" "oh,ok," and zonk, dozing again. Don't be put off if this happens to you, it's just my drugs running my this exterior, conscience life.
What is running my interior life, would be our friends and family and people about town who share time and send gifts, cards and wishes. With the totality of wishes for better health and prayers for intervention for me, I should logically live another 247 years! So, I accept all wishes and prayers even if I doubt I'll be blogging in the year 2255. But hey, that's a lot of sunrises. Sunrises coming up in March include a couple of musical benefits, Patty and friends are thawing out the frozen midwest for a renunion benefit in Cedar Rapids on March 8th I think, and the next weekend Grand Canyon friends are organizing a night of music at the canyon. holy-moly, good golly miss molly, rock n' roll music is a great motive to keep smiling and keep fighting this dumb-dumb disease. Now if only I could get any early contact with Janice, SRV, Jimi and Jim Morrison to show up it'd be historic.
Some people to thank most recently: Sista' Emily visited here dispite snow and other sorrows, and then, while I'm in the tub, Norma shows up "SURPRISE", Dan-oh and Bob-oh catch us in Flag, Laura and Terri and Annne take Pegg-0 for nice dining, away from the sick guy. Mandy employs my talent with her successful redition of "Chapter House Rock" with her school kids theater group, Chas my daily cell phone guy, Wes for coming soon to catch the biggest Feb. striper, just like last month. Jules with unlimited love and caring, first thing in the morning. I loved your images of planting hopes for me in your garden of love/life, friends from town, who bring us food and laughter(Bradshaw's).
And, not forget, Miss Mandy is off to advetureland for her grad. gift = Peru, for unlimited travel and good times, enjoy all the South American sunrises and sunsets for me. I love you. Thankful over and over am I for the positive messages and blog notes back to me. Also, ever grateful for the next sunrise, even an icky-blues-in-the-gut day is a day worth paying attention to, there is beauty within each day.
Coming soon, more dinners from friends (Keislings and Barry family), Jules and Paul travel here late next week, Wesley Tanner will arrive this Friday for fishing and father/son time.
Comming soon, more sunrises, earlier each day with the sun driving northward towards spring and the blooom of desert trees and plants vivid with gold, yellow, ruby, lime green and rose blossoms.
Coming soon, countless moments within me, within us all, when we realize how fortunate we've been to see how much how deeply we care for each other.
Enjoy your moments. I am.
Love and Laughter, Marcus

captions, captain.

2008-02-05T16:18:00.000-08:00

Here's help on the photos below: top to next to top, to next to next to...etc. Be sure to read the new blog below the photos.

First we have: Dan da-man and his miracle diet, including crossiants, IPA, tequila, pinot noir, candy bars and herbal tea.

Norma holding Peggy, Peggy holding Gracie, Gracie holding the future. 3 fav women.

Maddox helping me unwrap "our" new bunny blaster. OMG, a gun in Peg's house!

Mandy and I in the sun room, all blue threads and smiles.

Norman performing a quality check on bunny blaster; she's related to annie oakly

Mandy sharing glitter paint with Gracie and Mad-man

Last shot is "sista" Emily, just arrived from Mt. Shasta for a loving visit. thx em.

Now be sure to read the blog below, love and laughter, marcus

lost and found

2008-02-05T04:29:00.000-08:00

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I lost my last post, so I know how some of you feel. I'm sure it was the best piece of writing since Hamlet, but my electronic, eclectic editor disagreed and said, "You need to revise, so I deleted it" So revise/rewrite it is. I should start with personal revision, as we are doing yet another chemo change, new meds and new schedule, last week's scans showed other chemo was letting the cancer grow, and that is not ok...we begin new schdule this thur/fri. yee-ha can't wait. kind of. So here's to looking back at what we write, what we do, how we treat each other then and there and there and then. First rule in publishing and life: save, save, save. When you do somethig right, save it, on your hard drive, in your heart.
Tuesday early, cat and I have our fire sparking and crackling in the black wood stove that keeps all of us safely warmed against nature's nigthly chilling dip. This morning, the glass patio door was opened about 6" and the room temp was headed south. "Who had left it open? inside job? prowler at the pane? or a hint to me that soon I exit this warm loving home and by necessity go to darkness and mystery?" I looked outside and saw no prints to follow, no broken limbs to track, no pathway to comfort my directionless feet. Just the door, open, inviitng cool night to flow into our toasty domcile, cruel night inviting mystery. I closed it quickly, no desire to track any mystery. Quickly, I build a hot fire, shoving log after log into the box. The fire helps. No mystery there, just a close watching to maintain its giving warmth and well prepared stacks of chopped woods- kindiling spruce, juniper, pine and oak. It is like the spirit fire inside me, with a seemingly endless supply of friends and family and beauty to keep me glowing, stoked by sincere caring lovers. Both fires comfort me. The outside fire feeds me; my skin, thin over bone, chilled, wrinkled and gooose bumped, gathers the heat and clasps it to bone and thin muscle. The same fire that heats our house, will later today warm our daylight conversations and keep them relaxed and cozy. The fire inside will warm me when pain chills my spirt, when worry fogs my insight, when fear of darknesses mystery shakes my belly and spine. This fire inside clasps me to memory and details of childhood days in bright carefree play with my large family, laughing at dad's funny faces; yelping and sprawling down grey wooden stairs to the beach fronting a serene, blue green tidal pool; pushing and shoving each other to get a toy, a pair of shoes, some attention. The fire inside grabs me by the shoulders of memory and turns me back to motorcyles, collge concerts, Sierra backpacking, unexplored canyons and unreliable cars, when fresh pizza, cold beer and dancing all night defined my world and left no time to worry of search for mystery. As a husband and father the fire inside blazed into a firestorm of pure love and an absolute need to protect our brilliant glowing children full of mystery and endless questions I could, and often did, answer four different ways. "Why is the sky blue, Dad?" "Crayons and giant markers," I'd say, or "it's an overhead ocean, and that's why it rains sometimes because the ocean has little tiny holes in in called stars, and the water leaks out and creates the lakes and oceans we like to fish in." Can you believe it? Wes? Mandy? Peggy? Can anyone believe me? I believe the fire inside answers these mysteries, resolves the quesions for me - who, why, what of mystery, beyond the open door, in the trackless night, through jungled dreams and the pathless future. I want to keep both fires blazing. Thanks to all who keep me supplied with fuel for both. Love, laughter, marcus

pain, chains and change

2008-01-27T05:41:00.000-08:00

Sunday am, on the couch in the hour before sunrise. Looking for a storm today, winter's gift to the desert, southern moisture drawn across ribbed mountains and saline flats, drawn inland to this thirsty crust of sandstone, sage and and blowing sand. My body feels the same need, parched with increasing pain in remote parts seeking the chemo rain, random in my viens, wanting relief to reach this range of danger between feeling well and feeling the incessant cancer creeping. Outside,the desert waits, moonlit and indistinct, inside I sit and wait, and while the desert wears its rabbit printed sand and sends echos of distant coyote calls, I wear some dull needle marks and hear eternity in the the soma silence of waking at two am. somewhere out behind our comfortable loving house-life, snakes sleep and dream of the sudden strike and kill, the snakes dream of the late spring sun, warming their blood with movement and motive. This morning I dreamed I cried with my dead father, telling H.J. how unfair, how mean, how pained I feel with this disease and the death within it. In this morning's dream, he held me while I cried. We cried and I felt I was touching all the hours, days and years of shared joy with his handsome, loving spirit. In time we caught our breath back from the furies of grief, and I felt how he is within me and how I'll be within all I love, I felt the sad clouds of time and loss, clouds that come and go, clouds compressed, clouds dead dark with menance and malvolinece, and I saw both above and below those clouds other worlds alive, vibrant, unending.
I wonder about about my spirit as I wait the coming transitions from night to day, day to night, I wonder if I will stay bright minded and humorous, or will I burden my loving family with fear and pain expressed. I hope not. I hope I remain who i have been on my best days, days of sun warming my blood and melting clouds. I hope. Hope with me. love and laughter, marcus

On Martin's Monday

2008-01-21T05:41:00.000-08:00

tThe fire burns fresh pine and I sit farther away from the windows this morning. Brian-cat is over on the couch, a grey clump of fur and purr. I watch the fire grow and spread across the wood stove and hear its demanding crackle and snap- come to me to burn and turn to ash. I hear that, I'm here. Curious, the process that consumes gives light and warmth. This mornings's light is slowly arcing from blue black horizon through a faded levi-blue and back to black space above, where a fat moon falls to the northwest. Like my cancer,I can't see the moon from here, only the effects it casts on desert around, the sage, the trees i've planted, the driveway of grey white gravel. A few minutes pass; I make toast and eat it slowly, letting my body accept nurishment wishing/wanting/needing to regain the weight and muscle i've lost to cancer. Best to avoid nasuea. Cancer is one hell of a diet and one that won't show up on late night paid programming. What would they say? "Last diet you'll ever need?"or who could they use? terminal testimonials, dying dialogues, whispers from the hospice hotels? Forget the disease, and watch the earth wake up. Best to eat my toast slowly and watch the sun rise.
The color has shifted and is banded from the blue to a sage greeen and then of course into rosy fingered dawn. The cat is playful; he jumps from chair to chair like the teenager he is, catching himself and landing on at least three paws. I feel fair and normal this am, slept till six without interruption, little pain, little awareness of the chemo, which hurts so good, that I took in on Friday. So this dawn pomises to be a full, active: chop woods, clean truck, go down and work on the boat at the marina. A promise anticipated is more likely to happen, so I anticipate an active day.
Updates: Judy and Dave spent the weekend, I love having good friends and good food around, thanks to the cooks, mahi on friday, and shrimp pasta saturday, delicious soup on sunday. Ron, a friend of Mandy's, drove up from Tucson to visit (thanks for the audio video help, do-Ron-ron) and later Maddox brought his family out yesterday after lunch to watch football, track Gracie's walking lessons and to take me for a walk. Maddox and I treked up thru the sandy fields to our near/dear neightbors Jim and Vicki, Mad-man was most impressed, (Is that a real gun, Jim?) with the "rabbit gun" Jim showed him. On the way back down to our house, he posed a ominous threat to invisible rabbits, must of nailed 200 of them in 50 yards.
So much else to tell, Em, I predicted that Lars would get home this weekand get better tuite suite. A prediction is like a promise isn't it?
So much,so many to be thanked: thank you to all the care givers in Flag at the Cancer center, to my bro Chas, five days a week at least on the hotline, KJ, glad Florida was warm, Pk louis, get those carbs back on and send a video, Jules, you're amazing, thinking of you. And once again, thanks to Kelsos and Phillips for easy lodging and funny visitor's guide (Kelsos).
So much more to plan, took the van in for a new tranny, get it back and we'll be mobile, wanna-be hippies again, planning trips and taking them.
Tanner thank you majorly for the upload and posts to Wayne's words, make yo daddy smile and remember the best part of growing you up. I love you.
Of course more love, kisses, more love, kisses and more hugs to Peggy and Mandy for all the daily details that I need help with, you are appreciated beyond words. "Pills, diet, water...small important words that you help me with, and provide the promise that is today...love and laughter to all, Marcus

ps, someone wanted our address: Box 410119, Big Water, Ut 84741-2119

of family, fish and foreigners

2008-01-12T06:37:00.000-08:00

Home last nite, after 9 days away from Casa Del Bilge Agua. Much to say; much to share. many to thank, my fast loving family, friends that give time and space, and our hosts in sayulita, the Dumonts, muchos gracias Kelly, Connie and Barry.
As my ritual demands, we start with sunrise.
I woke about six, dark windows face an eastern night light, dull and distant as if some god thought to protect us from total blackout. Keep your eyes on that edge, where monsters sit, and this morning the night light fades and I glimpse a sailor's threat in the long webs of pink-bloody vapors climbing from that edge toward the peppered grey skinned buttes nearby. Soaked in sun thousands of feet above me, these fingers of aerial fire out-blaze the night light. Little lights won't protect all of us from everything. Today's monsters are like these crimson creatures above and within: unseen or half-glimpsed, they scare me, my uncertain body, the unmeasured damage. Clouds of red occlude my confidence, limit my good humor and make me feel small and weak. The feeling stays awhile, and I feel sponged in sadness and self pity. But, I sit still and sad through the the color shift: red goes to faint amber, amber towards gold and the buttes now appear like measureless mountains of mica. Fools gold wrings out the sponge and soon the gold sky gives way to white light and warming rays, the promise the gods give for another day of building confidence, enriching humor and stretching the strength of my spirit. Watch the sun rise, and be sure to see all the lights.
The light now shows our casa, our cat at the glass watching a few rabbits outside, inside we are well, now the cat pincushions into the overstuffed crazy patterned chair, and wood stove glows in the next room. Precious sleeping under too many comforters, most of them half tossed off toward my vacant side the bed...she's warm, and more loving and caring than I remember earning. I must have been good some of these years ago.
We've been watching Mexican sunrises for the last week or so. Peg, Mandy, Wes, Alena, Julie, Paul Louis, Normie and I drifted thru mild days, 80' days and nights on the wide patio, feasted on the resident cook's best recipes, lazed in daytime dialogue and discovered that Monday's a banner fishing day in Sayulita. Many joys, many surprizes. Best was my brother, KJ, showing up unexpectedly, just jaunting up the street like the casual surfer he once was. Great idea, KJ, thanks for the extra spice to a lively vacation. I spent most of limited energy at and in la Casa Rana Verde. read 3 books, sun soaked, and slept well. Others walked to town, shopped, snorkeled and swam.
Monday, banner day, look out Jaws, coming to get ya! Or more mundane: we fished. Kurt, Paul, Wes and Marcus. Please know, along with sunrises, fishing is a ritual for me. Eight in the morining, on the soft sloped beach, 24' open boat with bimini and single outboard, fully outfitted with a two life jackets and a nearly mute captain. Ugh,lift boat, again, again, and then we catch the leading edge of the surf and push some more, jump in and head aroung the first rocky point towards the west. "Where we going? Capt." Nando nods his head and pilots us around the corner, idles the motor down and we troll for 2+ hours and nada, nix, no fish...ain't this fun? now, we move quicly to some shallows, a reef maybe 20 miles from Sayulita, a mile of so off-shore. But hey, we catch a mackerel, now two, Wes got the first one, then PK, then Capt. Mute, I object to my brothers and son, "Shouldn't we be doing all the catching?" No time to talk thru the matter, because Capt. fish-boxes four of these foot long fish, and we head off at WOT to where the sea boils with birds, bait fish, and predators, churning the surface to wild salty foam, flashes of iridescence below the boat show large powerful animals annihilating the smaller, slower fish. Capt. Mute, grabs two of our fish, hooks them thru the mouth and tosses both into the boiling waves and moments later, Wes has a strike, off hook quickly, then KJ hooks one better, calls out" got one" and Capt. Mute seems to smile. Kurt, for about 10 minutes, fights and pulls and reels and pulls and reels and pulls up finally, a slack line. Fish was strong and broke off. Frustated and feisty, KJ shakes his head and says things all fishermen say when they lose a good one, "Oh dang". Not.
Out of fish for bait we return to the reef, haul in another four or five bait fish in the next hour and then way off, beyond what we can see, Capt. Mute turns the boat north and we bounce across the swell for 15 mins and cruise right up to a massive boiling sea of drama and death for sea creatures. Many fish, small and large fish flash and fly beneath the bow The large animals inhale countless smaller fish. Wide bodied sea birds dive bomb and do the same and the water is frantic with the contest between dinner and death. Capt. drops in two lines, Wes and I both hook up quickly, we yelp to each other "got one" "got one". His fish flips off a moment later, but mine is firm and powerful on the line,unreeling yard after yard of line. Capt. had actually spoken earlier and told us to count 1-10 before setting the hook, I may have reached 8 1/2 before pulling against the power of this unseen fish; but now, 50 yards away he jumps out of the water and shows his huge beautiful body. Capt Mute calls "got one". "One what," I ask. Que? "Rooster tail, or pescado gallo" he shares in his longest bit of dialogue for the day. Ok. soften the drag, let him run, let him run some more, hell, I'm not letting him run, he is taking me with him in. So the contest continues. I pull and reel, pull and reel, catch a breath, adjust the rod and drag, and so on and so on, for 45 min, till he's exhausted, I'm pretty well exhausted too and I know Paul, Wes and KJ are ready to see what I've caught. The rooster tail finnaly taps out and at the surface appears like a wide wet carpet. Capt Mute, "Whoa, big" To me he looks like a young Moby Dick, white belly to the sky and steel hook deep in his body. Gaffed, Capt. wrestles the rooster tail on board and nods his approval to me. I feel great, great relief for the struggle's end, and great to be with 3 guys who love and support me. That moment I cherish. On the hour long, bumpy return ride, the boat leaked some and Paul failed found a comfort zone for a soft landing on each growing swell we blased thru. I sat facing south, eyes closed and other senses switched to memory building, I dutifully etched the boat's sounds, the salty-spray mist, the voices of my friends sharing congratulations and joy for my success, the joy that is sometimes a ritual for me. I marked that memory well and I can close my eyes right now and be there.
What an adventure. What a vacation, what a nice way to start the new year with family, fun and fishing. Mexican sunrises are bonito. Amor, adios, amigos Marcos

you say this is christmas

2007-12-29T06:21:00.000-08:00

It's actually christmas plus four days. I'm sitting inside our glass castle, just cat and I, awaiting another sunrise. Sometimes I wonder; sometimes I try to guess or estimate how many more sunrises I'll get. How the numbers range: doctors don't/won't tell, "you understand that each cancer patient and their prognosis is different", research: one year to two stats suggest...time, worry, distractions. Pulling me away from this day, this morning's edge of grey skyline, these blended mute shades of desert scrub and distant butte. Pale blue ceiling of star empty sky, lighter now than when I even began these words. I wonder, does another sun rise inside us, an awakening or early light that sets the long day of our life with the same hope and beauty and promise I find in each dawning day? Sometimes I feel, in memory, a similar dawn. My warming families by birth and marriage and parenting, my childhood of dreams and endless, sky-infinte words, how I discovered that reading was the spreading wamth of a sun's illumination with a light that strikes all our reasoning, all our future horizons and shows more real the desert scrub and distant buttes that we reach for and wander thru later in life. I love sunrise. And I'll have as many as this long day of life allows. Sunlight dismisses distractions, worry and time.
Ok, the light is off the the edge and it's time to talk about what was most recently good and interesting. Isn't that why you read these blogs?
What's that song? "I went to a canyon party, and much to my surprise, memories and near retirees' dancing to old rock n' roll?" Maybe it that other tune? "Saturday night at the ET, who cares what picture you see?" So much fun. Peg, after spending a day with Laura and Wendy and Sheila primping and pimping, reminded me of the power of a little black dress. Peggy sue you looked beautiful. i wanted to strut and sway like a lusty young peacock. But hey, at the party, "The joint was jumping, and we went round and round" - thru dinner and dessert and a few drinks, I danced half of every third song, thank you very much. I felt good. Later in the evening, I tired. So I sat, and chatted and shared stories and smiles with so many happy folks, that I thought I was sitting at a happy, happy, joy, joy banquet. we stayed late and after a late burst of energy, like a shadow of Ken ( I can lift you higher!) Phillips, I danced like there was no tomorrow, no sunrise ahead of me or any of the dancing devils, feeling only a liviness of laughter and love that shared moments of joy create.
I know Precious Peggy and I are lucky; cus dog-gone it, people like us. Thank you canyon cousins, your love is as real and deep as the wonderland you live beside. I will be at the Christmas Rotary dance, next year, and that's lot of sunrises isn't it?. I'll stop off here as the bright light of memory is making my eyes feel funny...
See you next sunrise, laughter and love, marcus

ho, ho....where'd the other ho go?

2007-12-23T05:26:00.000-08:00

Celebrate. Ya' teeh kess-messh. I Feel Good. Laughed until my cheeks ached. How to do that when you're dealing with powerful disease like Kancer?
HERE IS HOW IT'S DONE: Be one with: family, friends and phone calls. Sunday morning, the sun yet to stretch its warmth and light here at home, and the house is quiet despite nine sleeping relatives here from Iowa and Ill. They are scattered about the house at this hour and not a relative is stirring 'cept my little mouse--er. Lucky-Cat Friar Brian here for 4 weeks now and this kitty's a keeper. He lays quietly on my lap, eats but little, mimes his meows and hides for thirty min. when company comes over and yet he still receives constant attention and pleasantries. Makes me jealous.
But jealous might others be from how I've being treated. Ten days or so ago I was invited to a "blessed, blessed night" at our neighbors, Lisa and Pat Horning, where scrumptious food and festive planning had been afoot. Early evening - school night and Peg-and-I and Mandy walk into their kool haybale homestead. Low and high I see a huge banners, with a funny pictures and paper cut-out snow flakes writen with "Get better", "We miss you at school", and "The Bestest?" Standing around the Horning's southwest wonder-room are dozens of my students from Page high school. They greet me: cheering and laughing and hugging me with smiles if not smilies. Other snowflake cutouts carry other memories: High Fives, Most Awesome Music, You Go Girl, Ight, waz up G? and my favoirite: "Will you please stop your excessive blabbering?" I guess they must of learned something in all those years, more true now are what I underestand of Louie A's lyrics "They're really saying 'I Love You'". So for a short slice of this wonderful life I was treated to 2-3 hours of sharing, laughter, spagetti, salad, garlic-cheese bread, and dessert after dessert after cookies. And the school night played on. The roses I received still smell as sweet! Students,(that includes all of us humans) time to take some notes. Write this down in your heart. It's important, not for school or a report card but it will help for living the "A" life. Students, friends and family you gave me an evening that fill the tip-top of my misty, happy heart. Filled me to the tip-top of my contentment and satisifation quotient. You gave me strong medicine even if it limited my thanks to one, teary eyed sentence..."Laughter and learning is the best combination". That thought is what brought us together and binds us; that is the receipe for creating love and caring. Thank and bless each every one of us.

More jealous others may be. Two days later my brother, Peter< and Richard from France, putted across Lake Powell for a 3 hour tour. Boat ran perfecto; weather outside was frightful, water dead-flat and wind calm but the atomosphere a chilling 30' and threating snow. I did my tour spiel and a dam drive by, told the usual flood story of 1983 and blah, blah, blah...but wait, is that a bald eagle watching from the red sandstone hoodoo? Yep. Sitting still as the stone, and posing for photos as we idled past. 20 min later, on the return, he still sat and we still putted by and we still shot him with kodak-ammo. Steered passed a few tumbling, half sunk tumbleweeds, avoided the nearly exposed rocks jutting out and then spied another tumbleweed from the warm cabin of our crusier..."But it looks like it's moving to the left", I said to Peter. So again we stopped and we stared and we finally recognized a coyote in mid-lake swimming toward the cliffs and beaches below Lakeside Drive. Whoa. Doglike, with its head level and his bouyant tail looking like a floating rudder, Coyote paddled its best coyote-paddling, deliberately, slowly, in quiet cold water, always making headway to shore. We followed for 20 min. or so and watched him successfully waddle, limp and hobble onto the red sand beach. Coyote turned and looked at us, stumbled a little and tried to climb up a stone bench about 20" high. Half frozen, he half jumped and fell down; cyote jumped again, fell again, and on the third try, the same clumsy faliure. Turning up the slope, coyote found a gentler incline and wound around the step. Now 10 min from water's exit, and having warmed its hypothermic limbs, coyote began a slow lope toward a distant tree shelter. Minutes later we noticed a large bird overhead and as it's shadow covered the boat my first thought "Tyradatycl"! Ancient animal, huge wing span and an extended neck that that rivaled a giraff. My scientifically-trained brother Peter, corrected me and tagged the bird a "Swan". We looked to each other, thinking of the bald eagle, the water-logged coyote and the soaring swan. We smiled and I said "Pretty nice episode for "Wild Kingdom, don't you think?". Nice day on the lake.

Even more jealous you may be. Same week, Saturday at Grand Canyon, annual community holiday party in the El Tovar...more on that party later, time to wrap this up and send it off and bid all a toasty two days till christmas...love and laughter, marcus

back to normal?

2007-12-08T06:52:00.000-08:00

of course NORMAL does not exist but we all share it and know people who are not.

I am watching, feeling the sun rise as it normally does, far to the south, peeking out behind this latest line of grey storm clouds. This a.m. it's cat and I, awake two hours and tackled the usual normal sat. chores: straighten up the front room, build warming fire, wash dishes from Fri. night popcorn and ice cream, watched cat play with window blind cords, ground and brewed fresh coffee, put stuff away. Peggy's still knocked out, not normal, sleeeeeeeeeeeeeping and that's a great thing, because the stress on me is different than my closest,intimate care-givers. I deal with my immediate condition/s and know and am able to act on pain, unusual changes in my systems. I can accept and feel directly the treatments and chemo, but Peggy, and Mandy as well, are a step away, less defined and less deliberate. I'll bet it must be more uncertain for them and all the others: wes/alena, jules/pk, ct, dan-oh/tt shell/tom and more people than I could ever list here; this disease is more uncertain and, thus for all of you, more difficult to manage or keep a grip on. Me, I just get to be the disease, and I think it's harder to watch than participate directly. I am lucky to have such wonderful women with me now; so how do I rate and why do I deserve them? How? Easy, I just chose well 27+ years ago and found a mate, a partner far beyond normal. Which, naturally leads to children of the same ilk.

Went to Flag for treatment, counts were low, so got my BOOOSTER meds and drove home to a wet, windy homestead. I've felt much better last few days, digestion is starting to jibe and there is so much to be said for a NORMAL digestive tract...think of your metabolism as ideal traffic flow where you drive everyday, no long jams, bumper to bumper, stop and go; and no racing speedsters in a hurry to get through. Traffic here in s. utah is occasional and easy to get used to, just the way my metabolism wants to be...so much to be said for being normal.
Hey you should all know about Mia-pa-dia, cousin/niece from colo. (Thanks for the hook up, Normie, your reward is coming soon) Mia stayed an extra week and helped with all kinds of tasks, helped lay a few tiles, mixed and put down grout,and best of all, chopped loads of kindling for our nightly fires, check out the pix, her greatest success, however, was the the chocolate pie from scratch (the 2nd one)simply delicious and tasting better than normal.
I dropped by the high school to see and say hi to staff, was a tender moment, I do miss teaching, especially after I watched Nutcracker with all the local kids. I felt sadness, sadness, sadness, as I took in all the beauty around me, around us all: a classical piece of music, young people in fantastic costumes, dancing a ballet, the stage and settings of drama and how plays have always had power to move and refresh what is best in us. I was sad for the pleasures that have been mine since college, the community theatre in Iowa, helping with the student theatre groups and of course, helping high school kids perform awesome renditions of Romeo and Juliet; guess I felt sad just remembering the power of immortality in all that stuff that Shakespeare left us. So I felt sad, but it' weird, I still found myself smiling through the bittersweet beauty in all our lives, but hey, that's normal isn't it?

love to all, marcus

the case for regularity

2007-11-28T18:54:00.000-08:00

Travel to Flag tomorrow to resume chemo and active particiaption in my health care/ recovery. Actully it's fairly passive: I sit; they drip. I sleep; they drip/drip. I wake; we visit; they do drip to the third power. I sigh and shuffle out to the truck, listen to songs with Peggy on the way home, and finally sleep. But it is important to rejoin the battle. I want everyone to know, all who wish me well, wish me love, and wish me strength are with me during the harsh, hard hours under this black cloud of cancer, and in those hours, I recall and remember your faces, your hugs and your words and wishes. You lighten up those clouds. In Hawaii, we learned that rain on one side of island, meant sunny on other side! Not forget: the sun will rise again and again and again. like me. like peggy, like my children and family and friends. so many. i'm a lucky man on the sunny island side.
love, marcus

and the beat goes on

2007-11-21T18:08:00.000-08:00

hey thanksgiving is getting here so a big, huge, monsterous, giant THANKS to all of the most helpful loving people in our recent days and nights: cindy and mark greatest hosts to us so far from home and even more thanks for the reptilian recreation, mandy's vertical jump doubled that evening, thanks to whitey and honey for old school kindnesses, bob-oh and laura who know no limits to helping, dan-oh and terry and their taxi service and snake cane, dave b (sorry about the poker game) pete and all his tools,technique and attention to detail, tommy my big water concrete kid, shel and her two childs who keep me jung, davy dob for stilt skills perfecto, coat after coat, smooth, smoother, smoothest and don't take short cuts cuz he's #1 professional and he don't do junk. brandy you work so hard and still get bruised!
another level of thannks for my brothers, hours of driving,flying and helping,,,love you forever chas you're one major motor-fo bro forever,,,harry glad you went home and then got on a plane and damn the nervousness, came out to nowhere land to visit and reconnect with me. thanks, as well to the world's greatest comic and card dealer:harry III. best not forget my live in saints, peg and mandy. got to go, pizza on my lap and wine on the table, bye love marcus

Trick and Treats part II

2007-11-08T18:34:00.001-08:00

at some wonderful time in the last century, i used many of the words in the song below. tune is mellow and words are true= will you marry me peggy-o? i like it, six minutes of serinity in a world of constant distraction. also, so many years with a woman of wonder and caring. my own Peggy-O. love is so good...

now, weekend update by Carvin Mygut. had the surgery, 7 days later it still was the pits, hoses all over/under/up/in my body, ga-ga drugs and too many needles. surgery was half ok=got my new plumbing fixtures which had to happen, half not ok, bladder stayed put, too much cancer round and bout it. so we go to ANOTHER option. radiation therapy. seems like they can zap the blad from without,without it out! that's "three outs" in one sentence, pretty cool huh? hey, bladder, bladder, ok, i'll stop, but the game continues. i am and i know peg and our kids are also, so touched and tendered by your words of love, support and caring.

Feeling much better tonite, had pizza and soup and eggs today, no, not on one plate.
wonderful people have helped and special thanx to my loving, doting children, mandy the mistress of makeup, wes the best head bonker i've ever known, alena for constant care and instant info resource, and others, where do i begin? with cindy and mark for ultra accommadations, bob and laura for in house support, dan and terry-0 for the same, shelly and tom for keeping it green and Johna and Mel for helping clean, jim-bo and vicki for his drive bys, dix and patty for continued heartland connections, all the builders,rock stars and dirt devils from the makeover weekend, renae & davie dob for "what the heck are you trying to do here fuhrman" efforts, Brandi for mail call, Keith and Nancy for diesel dollars, canyon folks for the pot lucks and stayovers, and to all my familyphonecalls:awesome see you soon. thanks also to Billy B for the tune. I do love my Peggy O.
all for now, time for more food for rebuilding and bulking up for WWF.

love to all, marcus
(ps: if you feel left out, you're not, i'm just not perfect with memory)

trick or treat

2007-10-30T15:22:00.000-07:00

all the pre-testing, measuring, guaging, screening, prodding, x-raying, ct-ing, bleeding and waiting is finished. at dawn on halloween i meet the knife! AHHHHHHHHH. and i'm glad. pegandi and mandy are in tucson, and at 5am or so drive over to Tucson Medical Center for the operation at 7am. by lunch time (for all of you, not I) it'll be out of there. hope for best result, gather all your powers of positive thinking, hoping, and imagining. send them directly to me and my destiny, in any shape or form. cry out to the sky, i'll hear you, hum a happy note and i'll be humming beside you, sing when you see the sunrise and i'll feel its glow on my skin. thanks beyond thanks to deepest appreciation and loving warmth fills me as i start this next journey. so many well wishes from so many of you, my family, my friends and those who know they are both. I feel so well loved.
peg and mandy will update and give you the facts, ma'm, just the facts, while i'm morphed out and perhaps less than clear speaking and thinking. we'll keep this current and give a phone # for the hospital room.
love and then love again, to all
marcus

Gratuitous Photo Opt...

2007-10-14T22:18:00.000-07:00

Couldn't fit them all on one blog (hit the beauty limit)...
PS having artistic control over this blog gives me the right to randomly insert photos of Freddie Mercury as I see fit.
Muuuuaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaa haa!
XOXO ~*~*~*~Mandy

Part 3...

2007-10-14T21:48:00.000-07:00

Soooo... this is Mandy here, to let you know that things-a been-a happening! We have a date set for surgery aka carving time... Halloween! (I ain't afraid of no ghosts!) We had a really encouraging meeting in Tucson last week with the surgeon (like a surgeon, cuttin' for the very first time...) Dr. McDonald and set everything up to take care of business.
We will be in Tucson for about 2 and a half weeks, hopefully hanging out with all those special sparklers at the Grand Canyon first for a few days before we head south.
**Dad and I went on a Colorado River trip through Cataract Canyon, and it was CRAZY. We were very fortunate to experience such wild beauty with such wild hominids!
**The Extreme Makeover Big Water Edition was a HUGE success and we want to thank everyone so much for donating time, food, love, and SWEAT to help us out. The place looks amazing, just like you! Coming from so far, willing to get down and dirty to help us is a true statement of character! THANK YOU!
Paul Louis, you are a crazy man & thanks to you know I know more about sheetrocking than I ever dreamed. Some is still stuck in my hair, no joke. Julie, thanks for all the chocolate cake breaks you 'forced' upon the guys!
**Wes & Alena, we miss you! We're glad you are feeling better because being sick is a pain in the BASS!
**Thanksgiving is going to be a theme party this year (wonder who thought of that)... Aliens and Indians. We have some special guests coming from California to initiate the festivities... can't wait to see you guys!!!!!!!
**Marcus/Dad/Cancer Man/UncleMarkyBaby is looking good, I am proud to report sightings of a moustache and other various hair outcroppings I've personally witnessed upon that beautifully shaped skull of his.
As usual, thank you for all of your thoughts, jokes (the funny ones only... good work Uncle Al), LOVE, laughs, and continual support. Could we do this without you?... I wouldn't want to find out.
xoxo
Mandy & CO
PS CONGRATULATIONS to Alison & Bill on their marriage (that is ballin'.)

Getting Better All The Time

2007-09-22T10:58:00.000-07:00

Since it's been 1 1/2 months since we last updated the blog I thought I'd spend some of my lonely time giving all an update - Marcus and Mandy are with ex-Phantom Ranchers (Grand Canyon) on a 6 day river trip from near Moab, Utah to the top of Lake Powell! Me? I have school...But, not to worry about me missing out on fun this fall. W build it in whenever we can!

Since the last update:
* Marcus had one more trip to Flag with Mandy for chemo. He got out of his last cocktail due to low white blood count - actually quite ok since they said 3 or 4 rounds and he managed 3 1/2.
* Mandy and Marcus went to New Mexico to pick up our new (to us) Eurovan camper - Mandy learned about stores on the Rez (Navajo Reservation) - fresh fruit, veggie choices? Huh?
* In mid August, Wes and Alena flew into Las Vegas where Julie and Paul picked them up and headed for Big Water. The next day they picked me up from school at noon and we had a little caravan - Julie and Paul with Mandy in BABBs and us in our EV camper, to the mountains near Teluride, Colorado where we met Kurt, Laura, Ali, Mia, and Neeve for 3 three nights of camping fun. Kurt, Marcus, and Wesley had time to fish (so did Alena who even cleaned fish!) while Paul went with all the women to Teluride. Camping was wet but worth it. Before, during, and after rains, the cousins entertained with Uncle Paul providing prizes which lead to even more entertainment. At one point Julie had to put Paul on time out. He was ticked that some campers (I use that word loosely here) moved in and intruded on our fun with their generator and to drown out the noise, we had a dance party. Unfortunately, this annyoyed everyone nearby except the noise making "campers" so we had to turn the music down. Paul wasn't really ready to end our dance party (he always has been one to supply music, fun and games) but Julie put her muddy food down and put him in time-out. I'm ready to plan another trip for next summer.
* Mandy took Wes and Alena back to Vegas where she caught a flight to SF to begin her journey to Burning Man. She has stories...and pictures...we'll post some soon. Mandy made costumes for Burning Man (I even made her some fake fuzzy fur leg warmers) and she looked like a pro! When they get off the river I'll have her post some pics. She gave us the fever and we plan to attend the post-party (Arizona Decompression) near Sunset Crater with her and some Grand Canyon friends. While we were discussing details, Mandy said she didn't plan to pitch her tent near us (not the place you need to be near your parents...). I asked her if we needed to include her in meals planning and you can imagine her response...well yeah, I'll eat with you. Maybe she'll share some costumes in exchange for food.
* Lake View Elementary (my school) has Camp Lake View at Jacob Lake (not really a lake) in mid Sept. so we took our camper for another trip. Beautiful weather for hanging around the campfire and a day trip to the North Rim - always a favorite destination for us.

Mandy and Marcus have done a little substitute teaching and Mandy's remembered that she hated middle school and loved high school. We're loving having her here, but realize it's pretty boring! So glad she had a week in cali and another at Burning Man. Also thankful they are on the river. I'm busy with my new job - love doing classroom guidance!

All is good with us as we head towards the middle part of the cancer experience. Marcus is nothing short of amazing and I gain my strength from him.

COMING UP!
* Extreme Makeover, Big Water style. Julie and Paul are coming from California to head up the project(s). Dan and Terry, Bob and Laura, Pete and Becky, Matt and Jeanne (all from Grand Canyon), our friend Norma, from Vegas and hopefully some local folks, will provide the man-womanpower to complete some projects. Our goals are to get the garage room in good enough shape for Mandy to have some space of her own, split and stack wood, finish the fence and maybe lay some flagstone. We have some other smaller projects as well. If you live nearby and get the urge to help - come on over! WE'll figure out where you'll sleep! Email or post a comment so I'll know how much food to have on hand.

* Dan and Terry, maybe Dave Cooley, and maybe Keith and Nancy, will join Marcus, Mandy and me plus some crazy Arizona Burners, for the Burning Man Decompression Party near Flagstaff.

* Marcus, Mandy and I head for Tucson Oct. 9th for a final consultation before surgery which will be scheduled within the next few weeks after that. We're still figuring out where we'll stay but have a few leads from Kelsos and my school's new social worker, Johna (an amazing woman!).

* Spend some time with the Talkers - between Gracie, Maddox, and Shelly being sick and Marcus getting a bug too, we haven't had much Talker time. We plan to attend Gracie's First Laugh party too. It's a Navajo thing!

Hope to be reading comments from you, our loyal followers, soon!
YOLO, OPT, EDAG, Peggy

on the down-slope

2007-08-04T13:50:00.000-07:00

home alone, pegandmandy at the pool, already aug 4, after long chemo day in flag, friday. so three cycles active, one to go. Returned to utah and wonderful monsoon weather, about 80' and storms all over the landscape. Hey, even a rainbow landed on my head, ha! We returned after seven grey, quiet days on the coast, welcome fog and 70' days. Took time to read, eat fish and chips (thrice at three different restaurants = all good), watered and tended to Jule's vast garden spaces, played with pooch, watched an outdoor production of "Taming of the Shrew" performed "Western style" and even test drove a newer model vw camper which now has us thinking about returning to our former vagabond aged-hippie travel style. Could it be, that with peg still calling my truck names after a year of living with "Big Horn", it's time to move on? Here is the question: How can a guy love a truck and love a wife who doesn't share that guy thing about motion emotion? here's how to move on = sell big ole billy bob truck! no problemo.
Henny-way,we are home, and it's gear up time for school, Peggy is now back to her fav job, working as elem. school counselor. yeah, yeah, yeah! i get to sub while on chemo and thru the surgery time and perhaps more chemo after the gut-cut. Mandingo is prepping to sub as well at page schools. ah, the benefits of higher education. we getting phsyced for wes and alena to come play in the desert in about 10 days, norma you're the bomb! and yes the boat will be in the lake, gassed up and ready to run. Tanner, not to worry, we will hook up w/the stripers and trout. oh yeah.
Photo: one shows maddox and peg playing with poi balls that light up and create wondereous whizzing streams of liquid light, until one bonks you in the head or elsewhere, equally unpleasant. lots of fun, alfresco, santa barbara style.
well, time to go take a nap. love to all and any who read and care about us. we are lucky so many do. love to all and to all "hit the couch, it's sat.afternoon." marcus

half way home

2007-07-25T08:07:00.000-07:00

hello again, time for update. peg and i and mandy are at norma's in vegas, and on our way to cool, foggy, comfortable calif because big water just refuses to forget it is a desert and won't cool off. we will spend a week there while my sis sails thru europe on a small river boat with paul louis.
so what's new? chemo is 50% over, only two more long and two more short days of treatment, that will be good to have done with, one drug is NASTY, makes me feel i'm in some special part of hell for about 3-4 days, have been coping otherwise fairly well, thanks in part to magic pills that disconnect the brain from receiving distress/pain/nausea signals from the rest of the "hot bod". thank you science. when chemo is over, i have an dr. appt. in tucson in mid sept and will be scheduled for surgery then. out with the bad, in with the good, then climb back to total health.
spent two days at the canyon last week, before the short day and i went out into the woods with three women! they filled the truck with lots of pinon pine and pine needles.
i send love and hope to everyone and don't forget: this is not practice, this is life!
later, marcus

world's longest wedding train

2007-07-09T17:44:00.000-07:00

hello from Minnesota. we are ensounched at the hyatt, waiting to jog downtown to a jazzzzz club tonite, recommended by wesley tanner, who at this moment is walking with his wife on a beach in mexico. hard to recap all we've done, but here goes: Vegas last wednesday, sitting at Norma's pool, chillin-grilling. Puff, the magic fireworks hit a nearby palm tree and KABOOSH! instant 30' torch. draw-matic. off to airport, off the tarmack, off into the humid mid-west. shopped for rehearsal dinner, rehearsed, and had a beautiful sun filled afternoon at nearby indpendance lake. lots of kids, pizza, beer and laughter. nice day.
saturday, day of beauty, day of joy. girls-peggy, mandy, alena, tessa, jules and escort paul louis, drive off for fancy feet and painted nails. I napped. So dress up and get out to Alena's parent's house for ceremony. Look to photos for details on dressing and dresses. suffice to say SHE was a beauty in white and HE the coolest young man in western civ. stood in a flower stuffed garden filled with friends family. the wedding party walked in, a few words were shared and then: choo, choo, chooooooooo. a train roars thru the afternoon heat just behind the garden and must have hooked a total of 99 cars bouncing behind the engines. Definitely the world's longest wedding train! it was three minutes hilarious, unexpected entertianment. the rest of the day music played, friends danced, families talked and ate and ate some more. great to see peg's sista's, mary (and Mike) and patty, mother-in-law ellen a., and lots of wes' and mandy's old buds from our old home town of webster city, and special was the visit with the Oliver's. Friends. nuff said. kids danced into the nite and us old gezzers sat, laughed and wished we had such happy feet. alena, your parent created the prettiest flower garden wedding this side of shangri-la. thanks a gazillion margie and jack for making their day completely memorable.
sunday, woke up to a hot & way-way humid and sweaty city. 95 degrees! what to do? climb into a/c big american car and drove, after breakfast, out to lake minnetonka and checked out lake side living. stopped for late lunch, breeze picked up and 30 min later temp dropped to 75'! nice. back to alena's parent's house and watched wes and alena open presents and share sweets. spent rest of nite here at the hyatt with mandy, jules, paul, wes, alena, aunt mary, aunt patty and myself. ate, laughed, talked, back up to our room and time to cut my hair! shaved it off as pulling it out in public was beginning to bother some of us! so now i look like bruce willis without the attiutde and with a loving wife, daughter, and son and his offical new Mrs F.
today, we slept in, bid mary and patty adieu, had a wonderful lunch downtown and drove out the the botanical gardens. did a bunch of NOGS. (naps on grass) tomorrow we'll do a art musee, a science museum and visit cousin sue in st. paul. then off to the wild and hopefully cooler west on wednesday. later this week we get to flagstaff for round two, let's bring on the chemo and kill more cancer cells. "u gotz to die" says the cancernator.
Enjoy the photos and keep writing back, love and laughter to all, marcus

happy 4th.....damn it's hot

2007-07-04T13:29:00.000-07:00

leaving today for vegas and meeting my SIS-ter and hubby and mandy mae. 101 outside, good truck, keep us chilled. tomorrow we land in 10,000 lakeland and prepare for tanner's wedding on saturday. Whooo-hoo. have managed the chemo better this week, little nasuea, lot of fatique...can you imagine me napping b/4 noon? not by the hair on my body which has yet to fall out/drop off/blow away. probably happen during the "does anyone here have a reason why this man and woman should not...."
we'll be there about a week, get back in time for next go-round with big chemo day nxt friday. till then: wake early, watch the sunrise, and take lots of naps...
love to all, as always
marcus

ps-chas, nice hook up. pk/jules thanks for mandy-land revisit, emily zack should go on stage, al love you music site, patty welcome to gmail. mandy/wes/alena get ready to party with the ole desert rat, and his wife.

here we go again....it used to be fun

2007-06-28T15:02:00.000-07:00

thursday, at the canyon, dry hot and quiet. sitting in lori and scott's apt, peg is having a snack and i feel decent. decent, and as well as a guy should feel when he's hygenic and hyper-vigilant and hypernoid (?) about his turncoat-traitor body. had a short, non-violent procedure yesterday, two docs put a porta-cath in my manly upper body. look out Arnold, i'm the now the cancernator. gonnna kill you cancer, who's you killer,, yah, u bet=cha.
pegandi took tourist trip wed here, went to the new yavapai musee, took the shuttle to the el tovar, drank a coooooool one and watched the canyon fade to grey. back with friends for food and laughs...a good day after 4 #*^%^&^&* days of not so fun, icky, this is my reality? moments interrpted by " i think the comode is right behind this door...quickly, quickly and then drop back to horizontal
but today and yesterday portend better days behind the grunge and garbage of treatment. next week at the gala wes/lena weddding i suspectd i'll feel happier than a pig in ____, sorry for the midwest image-we just so left the flatland. pegandi found the cooolest threads, can you spell S I L K ? for my bod and i know i'll be the best looking bald guy in maple plain.
can't believe my precious loving son is getting hooked-up, the ring-thing, about to do the I DO - WE DO's. Want you to know tanner, the there are too few words in all languages in this universe, to tell how much i have enjoyed every moment of being your dad, father, role-model (good,bad,confusing) teacher, coffee man, fishing buddy, driving instructor, carpenter guide (watch your head wes!) music critic-wes please play "3rd stone from the sun" when I'm back there, you're my co-poet, my replacement and let's go fishing wes!!! whatcha doing sunday after your wedding? too few words. member= don't be sorry, be nice.
alena, you are the third luckiest person on the planet. peg and i have known him forever as one fine son.
enuf for thursday, tomorrrow round two and the return to rapid recovery before the trip to Mpls.
again thanks to all who take time to post and share with me this odyssey. can't always respond by blog or phone, but each of you sits in a fold of my quiet, warm memory blanket.
love, infinity, marcus

Let the treatment (begin) continue!

2007-06-24T19:56:00.000-07:00

I'm writing for Marcus who is baking in his chemo cocktail. First night went well at Kelso's house near Flagstaff - almost too good to be true! Saturday proved to be a little more rooted in reality - highlight was having the Talker family visit. Sunday has been...well...started with a beautiful morning walk to visit our friends, the Winter's, up the street followed by much rest (with side effects) for Marcus and misc. chores by Peggy.
Our little lake home's garden looks great thanks to our friend's the Talkers, and neighbors, Jim and Vicky Winters, and John and Pat. The Grand Canyon Merry Maids (aka Terry Tobin and Laura Kelso) worked their magic so we returned home to a super clean house (wonder what color the water was when you cleaned the carpet).

Figured out that we have changed lodging 20 times since we left Page on our quest for the best. Let's see....can i name then?
1. Grand Canyon, (Guy and Sheila's)
2. Flagstaff (Phillip's)
3. Sand Island on the San Juan (camping with Mandy)
4. Colorado River camping with Mandy near Moab
5. Boulder to stay with Kurt, Laura, and girls
6. Kearney, Nebraska with Wes and Alena - the hot-tub was worth it.
7. Mount Vernon, Iowa, at Dixie and Steve's (Wes and Alena at Marsha's), near Patty
8. Mary and Mike's in Webster City, IA
9. Baker Park near Alena's parent's in Maple Plain, Minnesota (Alena's sister, Tess had graduation party)
10. back to Webster City (Mary and Mike's) and a quick visit with my stepmom, Ellen
11. back to Mount Vernon (Dix, Steve, Patty)
12. Someplace in Kansas
13. Alamosa, Colorado
14. home sweet home
15. Grand Canyon (Sheila and Guy's)
16. Victorville (why not drive part way to Mandy's graduation from University of California, Santa Barbara!)
17. Ashley and Niki's with "Grandma" - graduation party.
18. Arroyo Grande to be with Julie and Paul, the bed and breakfast extrodinare, relatives, with guest Mandy.
19. Head home, wake up in Laughlin. Mandy said, when she called from Laughlin, Nevada (lost with her friends on the way to Flagstaff), "We're in Laughlin....What is this place? It's like a mini Las Vegas!"
20. Kelso's mountain-view home for Marcus to have his first, all day chemo (9 to 5:00);

21. Home and kicking cancer. This too shall pass....

Next? Another treatment in Flagstaff on Friday (port-a-cath in on Wednesday), Vegas on the 4th of July to meet Mandy, Julie and Paul to fly to Minneapolis and another big event, the wedding of Wesley and Alena. Then back home (with Mandy) for more chemo, eventual surgery in Iowa, and back to Big Water to finish up treatment.

Your comments, well wishes, and stories are welcome reading for us. Once Mandy comes to stay with us, Marcus will have her lap top so he'll likely communicate more frequently.

OPT (Only Positive Thoughts), EDAG (Every Day is A Gift), and YOLO (You Only Live Once) - with love and appreciation for our family and friends, Peggy

college & cali

2007-06-18T10:39:00.000-07:00

back a week ago gone, terry and dan-dah-man babysat me and me woman, sat, hot-tubbed, sold the camper, loved our gardens and plants, and went to the canyon on thursday for poker, of course i won, and then to flag to see chemo-guy, begin that therarpy this friday, gave em some blood and then on to the freeway and surprize Mandy! what a meltdown that mornng,kisses & hugs and holding my daughter and her mom made a fabo-fav father's day feeling. i kept on arm open for tanner, but he'll fill that grasp next month in mini-soda. graduation was fun, long time in chairs, sunny, ocean side, so many young people going out into the real world, good luck. typical , mandy mae party, costumes and craziness, good food and hey who made the sangria? thx to hummer who plays for love of music and family, thx to j&p for helping mandy in sooooooo many ways and times. thx to to great-grand canyon crowd who care enough to help me through the coping, grief and daily details. thx to bigwater-neightbors for keeping it green and clean. Jim you ought to open a quick-lube! sheri and russ, can still taste the flavor of s/w chicken and sausage.
so. what next?
we spend today, mon here on the coast and then off to vegas, norms's and home wed. will be in flag for thursday - friday as i accept my magic potion/poison that can start killing the bad side of marcus, hell, couldn't kill the good side with all the WMD 's that don't exist except in the small reptilillan brain of a small man from texas. prob. stay in flag, fri and then home for sun and recoup/relax/recover for a week. that is up to date, here and now, and nuff to write cuz i'm going shopping for wesley's wedding - clothes and and shoes and maybe a wig? love to all, marcus and peggy.

Gee, it's good to be back home...

2007-06-11T13:13:00.000-07:00

monday, 6-11...drove in last nite from central colorado, big o' truck screaming past tourists and trees, hell-bent on parking in our piece of the planet. one unexpected bonus was the low price for fuel thru out the midwest so someone cut the farmers a break, and that's all right with us. Trip from Iowa to Colorado is, how do you say? boring. BORE-ING BORING. i remember now why Doro-athy was glad to see a tornado. henny ways, we ARE glad to be here with our plants, hot tub and later tonite, mad-man-maddox. terry and dano arrrived a littLE earlier than us, bearing food, drink and good vibes. this thing about friends and family is more true than any thought that has ever blinked in Dub-ya's brain. And the notes everyone is posting fill us with laughter and lightness and love. will see the chem-oh dr.s on friday and then begin draining the toxin toward my turmors next week. and i can't wait...or so i say today. i'm learning how directly expericence revises first thoughts. this is a week of catch up on sleep, gardening, and chores around the dusty homestead. will prob. put the tolly back in the lake as well, and pull the camper off the truck. keep the notes and notations coming, and thanks to all who care about us.

2007-06-08T06:50:00.001-07:00

hey it's friday-9:00 and we're out-a-here. here being U of I hosptials and friends and family who care for us,Patty, Dix, Steve, Mary, Mike, Wes, Alena who fed us, gave shelter from storms, and made innumberable assists, phones and words of encouragement. Peg's favoirte billy-bob big-ass truck is ready to roll and we hope to sleep in nebraska tonite, (that's a hope?)
Ok, now an update on my body - saw our numero uno surgeon yesterday after a very tender bit of backside testing on wednesday, high tech magnetic coils and mri and crazy electronics, making pix of my all body parts. found some cancer is just outside the bladder, not so cool, and before he operates he wants chemo to shrink the tumor back to bladder borders. so, we/i have a series of three chemos to drink off b-4 the surgery. peg and i will drive back to beautiful downtown big water this weekend and consult with the chemo-chiefs in flagstaff and then in a week or two begin sucking up the fancy cancer-killing-cocktail.it's a three week set, repeated three times. then within a month of finishing we have the operation. Ok. we can handle that.peggy is simply an absolute best bud to have beside me. i love how we both can catch our breath and then move on to the next step available/suggested. Immortality is so complicated, think i'll have to write a book, call it the bible acccording to marcus of big water. i will fill it with platitudes and postitive attitudes and ideas on how to love a life worth living. so far,peg and i have done that. somewhere in the schedule we'll fly back to minn/landofbuzzingbitingbugs/ and enjoy and bask in the love that wes and alena are committing to with their wedding...that's about alllllllllllllll folks.
love and hugs and smiles and deep breaths...all it takes to keep on keeping...

marcus

ps-we have rejoined the electronic age: cell phones me-319-899-2474....peg- 319-899-1637
give ring we'll try to answer...i have mine set to vibrate and may, for reasons of pleasure, allow it to ring a bit longer..........HA

A competition...

2007-06-07T01:24:00.000-07:00

Yo Dad!
Hacking in with the password, leaving no fingerprints... Someone has to update this thing! My parents are in Iowa City right now, we'll get some test results back within the next few days and if all goes well, the operation will go on as scheduled in a week and a half. Wes and Alena are back home in the land of 10000000000000 lakes. My parents cruised briefly through the WC and Uncle Mike won the lottery. YEAHHHHHH BABY! Our luck is turning back around. Also, for all interested who can't quite make it to my graduation (so that means basically everyone) I just found out that you can watch it LIVE online. I'll find out more about it and post it on here. Unfortunately the party will not be broadcast live. Also I think we should have a competition... whoever comes up with the funniest line, phrase, etc wins and I will write/draw/paint it on my graduation cap as a shout out to my dad. I know there are a lot of funny people checking in on this blog, so I am setting my expectations high!
Goodnight from Santa Barbara...
Mandy

odyessey-stop one Iowa city

2007-06-01T09:54:00.000-07:00

We spent Memorial day at KJ's and reLAXed. good food/friends/family fun. mon nite was memorial-must have been up 22 times to pee...can you spell tired in all caps? tuesday noon, took mandy to aeroporto, and left her(kisses, hugs, sighs) to deal with the storm of the century. of course she handled it. Continued to nebrasKa and chasesd a storm for the next three hundred drizzle miles. Overnite in generic motel, but the hot tub was hot and the chicken was delcious, KFC, 10 years since i've had such fingerlickingfatfood. and best news: I slept like a baby, waking only every two hours for a sip of H2O and back to dreamland.
tues repeat, drive, drizzle and dine out. in Iowa city by 6pm. stayed with most good natured/warm welcoming friends dix and steve.
wed. dah-dun...finally at UofI hosp. met with #1 doc for this body malfunction and went through options, plans and schedules. I am scheduled for table time with the surgeons June 18, its a full day, 8 hours on the table...but he wants another final diagnostic test next wednesday, an MRI with special probe (yikes), to make absolutely sure he can be successful when they open my belly. if any ick or bad stuff shows on the MRI, I have to do chemo first, then surgery, so still in lala land of waiting and waiting for the real show to begin. One thing cancer and the army teach you is to hurry up and wait, aka:patience. Today (friday) we go to Webster city with wes and alena, then tomorrow up to twin cities to get them home in time for leana's sister's grad party. then back to w/c and iowa city by tuesday and pop into the hospital for that mri and then as paul harvey never says: you'll know '"the rest of the stoma' good day". loathe to leave, but leave with lot of love and thanks for all who read our journey notes, and all who leave notes and well wishes...love marcus, somewhere in the heartland

ps: special shout outs to: mandy mae, my loving funnest daughter of laughter, bright eyes and blogging; to wes and aleana for changing their lives/schedules/and sleep patterns to join us on the caravan to carver hosptial; to peggy for whom i would undergo any operation/procedure no matter how uncomfortable to any degree, so i can spend more,more,more days with you...we both know how the night time goes...love to all of you and see you in my wandering day dreams...marcus

dad's blog... HACKED!

2007-06-01T09:43:00.000-07:00

We've stuffed Marcus with cheeseburgers, eggs, bacon, and Newcastle.

Don't worry, he's fine, things are completely under our control (wes- PUT DOWN THAT HAMMER AND GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF MAN!!!).

Good posts will be back soon. We swear it. But for now you'll just have to trust us.

Love and kisses from Mt. Vernon IOWA,
Alena and Wes

Between the days

2007-06-01T07:11:00.000-07:00

ok, if you've read these posts too many times and are really not enjoying them, go to the web site below, join the chorus, and find relief.HA. with love, from marcus via mary

http://beverlys.net/LJ/BuggingYou.swf

odyssey-outward bound day 5

2007-05-29T08:13:00.000-07:00

up early, cool still, kids slow to warm and wake. spent morning lounging and lazing, big kj breakfast, and sit around. cousins getting reacquainted, and funny as ever. then we went to buddha ranch. friend's house and 50 acre fields. two ponds for fishing, kayaking; new house full of exotic treasures from the orient, statuary, rugs, temple door, art work, kitchen table standing on the back of rhino! Krazy and kool. lazed big time, nap on porch, ate, walked orchards and 1/2 acre garden, the most amazing events of the afternoon however were the numerous first experiences for mandy mae and 'lena. they went out in kayaks, with poles, Neeve, hooks and hope? both caught and touched and released real fish...by themselves, no screaming or whining (after the first two or so fish) and then they showed peggy how to hook 'em. she did. so funny. wes spent his time just jetting back and forth giving instructions and "you got one" to all the womens. off the pond and we spent 30 min shooting buddhas. (pix) amazing place, comfort unexpected and totaly pleasant... nothing to do but relax and relax some more, fantastic distant landscape of rockies and snow, and horse farms all around...well if we pass by here on the journey home, we must return to buddha ranch. oooooommmmmmmmmmmmm.
later, another delish din-din at laura's kitchen, talapia with tom and feta cheeze, tasty ceasar's salad and stuff. sleep, soundly

odyssey-outward bound day 4

2007-05-29T08:07:00.000-07:00

on the road by 10? up the colo. to freeway and up the rockies. river was flowing well, go water go, see you in lake powell. vegatation changes, elevation changes and atomosphere changes. up to top and down to hwy 6, oops, wrong turn, into boulder and the arms of my family. wes and alena arrived an hour before and we hugged, and laughed and hugged some more. wonderful food from laura's kitchen, lamb and couscous and broc. salad. um, yum. talked late and faded fast. zonked and comfy sleeping in 60' air.

odyssey outward bound day 3

2007-05-29T07:57:00.000-07:00

cool quiet morning, drove back to town, bought mandy a coffee, and me a santa fe scone. peg had tea. drove to arches natl. park and bent and strechted our necks checking arhes, bridges and monoliths. took a two mile hike in cool breeze and some shade out to landscape arch, think i'll build one in big water when i recover. took the best nap on a sleeping bag draped picnic table and listened to tourists from around the globe walk back to their rides. funny. back to town to shop and got peg a wild west skirt so she'll fit in like a native. ha. campfire nite, huge flames bout burned down the tall oak near the firepit, should have brought my loppers, i could improve any landscape with a little trimming. dinner, sleep and distant crows crying in the nite.

odyssey-outbound day 2

2007-05-25T11:13:00.000-07:00

We camped along the roiling colorado, clear sky, cool air, quiet nite, and milkshakes of milk of magnesia. walked thru moab, tourons and western glitter. mandy slept alone- in the woods and did not cry for help. a natural camper, breaky this am under the shade of oaks with lizards passing by on their daily quest for winged food. saw a condor streaking and stretched out against the opposite cliff face, maybe 1000 feet overhead. today we'll hike arches and toe-touch the river, which is running high with last snow early this week. all the peaks are white and gorgeous.
adios for friday....keep the comments coming, love to read em, marcus, peg, mandy
PS Mandy is recovering well from her navajo taco incident. Just say "Nava-NO"

Odessey-outbound day 1

2007-05-24T10:00:00.000-07:00

Wednesday, p.m. on the road, after endless sorting sox sacks and swimsuits, packing pans, plates and plants, and planning for 6 weeks away from home. Mandy mae and peggy won't let me lift *^&$ so i watch and wait. camped on the San Juan, cold and damp, beautiful afternoon and evening, repacked this am and on to arches, fossils and dino bones. tonite we camp somewhere in the rockies. thanks to all for the responses, serious, sad or silly, i'll take all you send. fun to see geezers learning to BLOG it. i feel good this sunny am, only anxious to get the operation into the past tense. my daughter is frowning/smiling after a grande veggie navajo taco for breakfast. peggy was awake more than i was thru the night and may need some serious shuteye. keep on blogging and we'll catch ya on the comeback, love, marcus and the traveling women

A Little Info...

2007-05-21T20:03:00.000-07:00

Marcus was an not an eagle scout. His favorite fish to catch is the next one. He has a big boat, a big garage, and a big old problem in his bladder. He enjoys teaching Shakespeare to teens and toddlers, virtue to students, and love to his family. We are heading back to the land of the corn for bladder cancer treatment at the University of Iowa. On our way there, we (Marcus, Peggy, and Mandy) are going to cruise through some of the spectacular rock formations of Utah and the breathtaking Rocky Mountains. We'll stop by and visit Marcus' brother Kurt and his family in Boulder for a few days. Wesley and his bethroved Alena will join us in Colorado for a few days before Mandy flys back to Santa Barbara to take care of business. Marcus, Peggy, Wes, and Alena will be heading to Iowa City and will arrive next week. Send us your love and laughter; we can't get enough.

Here We Go

2007-05-21T19:50:00.000-07:00

Hello,

This is the new fabulous blog for the family, friends, and fans of Marcus Fuhrman. We'll be updating often to keep everyone up to speed on the latest news and plans. We may also include jokes, fun facts, and words of the day at our discretion.